And I just threw up at the table during Mother's Day Brunch.
i just licked my manager on accident and i'm freaking out
After waking up today, I would like to find the Jesus preachers on campus to ask for help in asking for forgiveness to God.
My roommate just called. He's in Miami and has no idea how he got there. He also has a ticket to Buenos Aires that he can't explain. I figured you'd have the explanation.
I think I have internal bruising from those poses we were doing last night. My own ribs hurt me. I don't understand.
...and all my boxers are outside in the snow because????
You know what my problem is? I'm like a machine designed for the sole intention of removing the pants from damaged girls.
there are casual beer cans in all of the public trashes, i belong here
Oh man I'm using the bubble wrap that wraped my new vibrator to wrap my dads fathers day gift
We found Kyle. He was next door yelling at the elderly couple to let him continue his golf game. No more afternoon drinking for him.
YET AGAIN, my financial planning for 2013 consists MOSTLY of eating chipotle as "brain food" and drinking Heavily before the Jeopardy contestant test.
I am on my usual post-jerkoff high of eternal happiness. Like I could punch a fucking tiger.
60% of the guys I've slept with are on my holiday greeting card mailing list. I'm an amazing ex lover.
Already doing pt exercises by picking my margarita up off the night stand. Fuck yeah.
My roommate has a sixth sense about my jerking off and walks in EVERY. SINGLE. TIME.
Randomize
