Hey, what are you up to?
Drinking wine with the guys and watching 7 Pounds.
Looking back I guess I could have changed that to beer and Die Hard.
I don't think its a good idea if I moon a whole bar again
The only thing i was looking forward to on 4th of july was the google logo and they let me down. That and beer, lots and lots of beer
its time for step 4 of getting over him: post his number on the transvestite page on craigs list asking for pics
I found your doppelganger. same hair, eyes, personality, catch phrases, and penis. it was mind-boggeling.
When i'm home next we need to get baked and go to waffle house. I want to see if the waitress can still guess my intoxication level and what i'm about to order before i even make it to the table.
Got laid in my rudolph onesie for the second year in a row. New tradition? Absolutely.
THINK! exactly how many raw eggs did you color and hide in my apt.
What I've learned from glowsticks: glowing things are not safe to eat
You FaceTimed me at three in the morning while you were peeing. Your eyes were glazed over and you showed me your bellybutton.
Today one of my patients offered me pot brownies. Medical school worth it. Living the dream.
Then, he ate me out while I watched Bo Burnham. Best. Night. Ever.
Ugh. I just found a cum stain on my mermaid pants. Now I can't return them.
Don't come back. They don't have pants.
Oh god.
God has nothing to do with this.
Depends how u look at it. Half-full, half-empty, or how should I shave my pubes
Randomize
