My bad bro. I had no idea that when i suggested our triva team name be my last abortion tickled, that she would bring up cancun. Stay strong i think she really liked you
the best thing about tacos is after you shit them all out you feel like to have room for your dignity to come back
well i did feel guilty about it. until i saw how hot the guy was the next day. now, nothing but pride.
If I die tonight, I want you to know that your sister is awesome in bed
He was taking the caps off the vodka bottles and throwing them out the window so we'd have to finish them. Engineers have the best logic.
I have to have sex with him again. I feel like I need to train him so no other girl experiences that bad of sex.
She's the perfect storm when it comes to psycho stalkers
she crawled under her car and passed out. Unfortunately her feet were sticking out and someone called 911 because they thought she had been run over.
I was cracked out naked on a toilet pretending I was posing for playboy.. Shit got weird, but apparently I had a good bday.
Its Nebraska, I'm sure im not the first person to wake up hungover in a corn field.
There was no eligible dick at the ER. I'm pissed. Looks like "Searching for Strange at the Local Free Clinic" is a no go for the name of our first full length album. On the other hand, I got a dilaudid shot and I no longer feel like I have the worst bladder infection of my life.
Do you remember trying to make pizzas with the domino workers last night...while trying to speak their language with them.. spanish?
Welp, just took a tab of acid and cracked one of three bottles of champagne... Mondays ¯\\_(ツ)_/¯
I love everything about him! His penis, his hair, his tattoos, his penis, his cat, his penis.
I woke up in my bed with candy and beer bottles all around me and i dont know where any of it came from. I love valentines day.
Randomize
