my head looks like a cockatoo
mine looks like a lions mane...looks like the entire zoo is going to prom
What's the procedure for failed threesomes? Do I friend her on facebook this morning?
Karaoke makes my soul die one wretched song at a time
I just noticed that when I sneeze...my nipples get hard.
thanks for texting me "so many asians" at 1am...
there were a lot.
Jail wasn't bad. Was poppin Xanax the whole way there
Ohhh. Its been awhile. Vending machine hotel condoms are $15 here who can afford to not get herpes?
Dude next time u fuck on our counters will u please let me know BEFORE I make lunch.
He's acting like I should like him more than vodka and Taco Bell, but I just don't ser that happening.
I may, or may not have licked his face in an Applebee's.
She posted a pic of her bf on ig wishing him a happy bday at midnight. She then proceeded to have sex with me. Who is the bday boy again?
They wouldn't let me on the bull because I couldn't even sign my own name... She let me try 3 times...
I asked him to tell me a bedtime story, then threw up on him.
Sitting on couch, workout sex makes me more sore than regular workout
Remind me to never do anything where hiding something in my butt is the best course of action
Randomize
