They threw a beer at you on stage and then you stopped the karaoke and cussed everyone in the bar out for 2 minutes
just had to take a 4 hour nap to write a one page paper. its obviously the week after winter break.
Its like I was sleeping with a kid. His gum fell into my hair while sleeping and he just wanted to cuddle.
buying my parents vodka for Christmas is like buying a normal person socks.
Maybe its all the xanax she takes but she literally has NO shame
I spiked my fruit smoothie. Taking bikini season diet to a whole new level
He knows my period schedule but not my work schedule.
she cried into her fur with two handfuls of money- she was the physical manifestation of white girl problems
Just helped a homeless man panhandle outside of Wawa, made him $6.31. Where are you?
My neighbour is taking her hamster for a walk on a leash. Come over now
I can dream in two languages, but it's still about ripping a bong.
I forgot how weird my hair bleaches and now I'm a calico
You can wake up to my rainbow of failure
Why did I ever allow that penis to enter my sacred temple?
I'm in the kitchen making quiche for my fuck buddy and his wife. I'm probably not the chick to get dating advice from.
Tight. Want to get up, make coffee, sit on separate couches and silently read our mobile devices together?
Randomize