saw a pregnant woman in a bridal gown standing on the side of the road while her car was getting searched by police....cheers to new beginnings
I heard from anne today. She has a broken collarbone and is knocked up. Apparently florida is awesome
We have video of him nailing the sex doll to my wall and putting all the monopoly pieces in her nose
Stop inviting me to your birth control calender reminders...my job is to test its effectiveness, not know its schedule
Lmao sorry
It's still to early in our relationship to tell her I was sleeping in my car
This is going to ruin my future wedding planner career, but isn't it better the groom knows he's gay BEFORE he gets married?
Girl, that was the lost night of 2012 for me and I have buried that night deep deep away..
Bake him heart shaped cookies?!? Send him a picture of your tits like an ADULT!
Well I think won that argument, as the cops were leaving, they offered me a ride to the airport
Just because the energy drink is shaped like a grenade doesnt make it cool to throw it and yell "BOOM" and break my flatscreen, asshole
Just saw the pics from the bachelor party. When the hell did we go to southie. And why was there a chicken in the limo..? You guys really are my best friends.
Nxt time we drink that much, we'll have to hide the crayons. Crayola-ing a mural on the living room wall wasnt the brightest idea, but it sure is classy. Right?
Bold words for someone NOT on a unicycle
I'm seriously considering starting a savings account so I'll have bail money this summer.
He smells like sex and magic. I’m already naming our children
Maybe you should talk to him first
Randomize
