Keeping hand sanitizer and lube in the same drawer in the same size bottle = awful idea
you were sitting on the floor cleaning up your own puke and telling my mom she should hire you as a maid.
I cannot even. Taco bell reception. Beers. New friends from Georgia.
I need to figure out how to tell my doctor that I don't want to fix my possible fertility problems until AFTER I'm done whoring around in my 20s.
dude, apparently i tried to force feed my grandma bananas last night.
If you are wondering why there is half eaten pizza in your pocket it's because you were passed out with it in your hand in my bathtub. Today's your b-day and thought I'd give you a good idea about what happened last night as a present
So the bartender tried kicking me out but i screamed im an RA you cant kick me out
I feel like calling off tonight. Is a strong desire for masturbation a valid reason?
sex on the stairs. not our finest idea.
Now some guy that's in my phone as " Alex lip ring hot" is texting me and I don't where life is taking me
Adulthood is making your own puke bucket.
I told the emergency room nurse I didn't want to stop and ruin the moment. She said safewords are there for a reason. Super condescending. Got her number though.
Turns out it's a fake number.
Why do pants feel so unnatural once you enter your own house
It says something about our relationship that he stole your phone to tell me about his dick at 3am and neither of us realized that wasn't you until just now
we didn't have sex though. because i have the will power of an ox.
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