Where's the Hot Mess Express headed tonight?
I hope that's not the new nickname for my friends and me.
Apparently throwing up on your own cape is still a party foul
Turns out Woolite can get the cum stains out of her moms couch.
It reminded me of the time my mother gave my Bailey's in my stocking when I was 14.
She tried to cook Velveeta IN the oven on clean mode.
Its like "fucckkkkk yooouuuuuu" is echoing up my esophagus
tequila?
yep
I never thought that it would get to the point where I would have to specify that by "hang out" I meant "fuck like rabbits." Growing up shouldn't be this way.
By the way. I expect to test the theory of you running a mile drunk for memorial day.
I woke up on karas dogs bed. Lets evaluate our lives.
So after he broke the crutches and got us kicked out of McDonalds, we stole a bike and when we got back to the hotel, he jumped out the window into the bushes.
Yeah when he is drunk, he seems to think he is Captain Americas Canadian counterpart, Captain Canuck
Got laid last night using the intro line of "rate your hurricane evacuation plan on a scale of 1-10"
I can't ever date him again. Whenever I see his face I just remember helplessly pissing myself in my car.
There's glitter in my speakers, piles of cheezits on the floor, a random Audi in the driveway and a homeless dude napping in a lawn chair in the backyard. Wtf happened last night?
I think we've reached the point in the summer were we need to go back to school. I was so bored yesterday I nearly bought blow dart gun.
when ur drunk laser tag is all fun n games. try it high and all of the aliens in the galaxy want you dead.
Randomize
