I was thinking about him in the shower then i get out of the shower and there was a text from him
its like he has a camera inside of my shower that looks into my brain
I accidentally threw away from slim jim and some lady saw me dig it out of the garbage. It was unopened but still, I look so homeless.
I forgot to tell you the best part. The folded up paper he wrote his number on opened up to be a picture of him when he was younger wearing a Columbia tshirt in front of NASA and in pen said his name and "space consultant."
I was in the shower, he came in, had me give him a blow job, and left. I'm pretty sure I was just booty called. While taking a shower.
It's not my fault. Someone keeps buying me tequila shots. Idk who. But every time I look down there's another. I think there's a conspiracy.
That's the first time I've ever heard something that tickled both my gag reflex and my penis simultaneously.
are you still mad that doritos made their way into my sex life
.....a litte
People are stripping in McDonalds. Do I join?
YES.
Did I really just send a work email with cum instead of come? feck me
I think his dick was bigger than his dog
It's amazing what a couple of orgasms can do for a girls demeanor.
I really need to stop turning to the BDSM dungeon masters of tinder whenever my heart hurts
We were driving past a farm when he screamed at me to stop the car, then he jumped out and tried to ride a cow.
You'd think that a rotation of two 30 year old men could keep me satisfied... WHY ISN'T THERE A MAN THAT CAN KEEP UP WITH MY HEALTHY SEXUAL APPETITE?!
What is the best medium with which to say, "Happy Birthday, I'm having your abortion"... Cake? Card?
Randomize
