C thinks vomiting on the batroom floor = reaon not to party. Lies. Party continues.
Cool, see you soon... she just admitted to her friends that it was a queef.
his status popped up and said 'probably going to jail.' it took everything i had not to press the like button
I'm at McDonalds and when I walked up to the register the guy said "I'm so sorry." Before I said a word. That's how bad my hangover is.
i shall enjoy my approximately 2 hours of being sober today
I keep waking up with the nagging feeling I gave him half a hand job through his shorts.
So I just learned that my father was teaching me rules for drinking games when I was 5.
you screamed santa and jumped in front of 50 kids to tell him you wanted a bong for christmas.
Only I could run tino my father in law while looking at condoms at Rite Aid. At 730 on a Thursday morning. I'm in trouble.
Sometimes crazy just comes naturally. I don't need booze to say that on occasion I feel the need to rip off my asshole and throw it against the fridge to see if it sticks.
Whatever I'm getting wasted, my costume's bomb, and there's a good chance I'm getting laid. Not letting stupidity ruin my night!
You were holding onto her boobs like you were adrift at sea and they were the only flotation devices
Its 7am I'm awake still drunk, there is food, random clothing and road cone in my room. I can't decide if this is a failure or a success???
Is it wrong for me to wish my cat had arms to get me a beer?
I woke up to the sound of her peeing at the end of the bed at 4am.
Randomize
