Can you please tell me why there's a bottle of urine on my night stand with a note that says "in case you're thirsty in the morning"? Thanks.
hanging on that rope, lady gaga looks exactly like a used tampon
all i know is that if they can hide that much blood in her outfit, they definitely could have hid a penis
I wish Denzel Washington would coach my flip cup team..
Saved By The Bell: The College Years had it waaaay wrong on that one.
she tried giving me head in the pool. it was more entertaining than pleasurable
everything was going well until edgar threatened to handcuff the security guard to himself.
It's a special occasion. Hence the 151.
We carried on a casual conversation about plants while I gave him a hand job.
Pretty sure I can show you the text you sent me stating some interest in my penis entering your mouth if said circumstances were met.
Her eyebrows were plucked so thin that she had to have gonorrhea. Clean girls just don't pluck that way
Hope you had your fill for the summer my friend, because all the cleavage has been put away for the winter. Fear not; it blooms again in May.
Crazy fun. I think I got a concussion from a stripper
People have been asking me if I'm going to the reunion lately. It occurs to me that everyone wants me there to feel that much better about themselves.
The only people allowed to make me cry are myself and Chris Hemsworth as Thor. And me.
You just kept looking down at your tits and screaming "I LOVE YOU TWO!!!"
Randomize
