I think I just sat on my labia. Can I borrow some scotch tape?
This is getting serious. I keep forgetting what's in my vagina.
There's nothing like puking in the airport on the way TO Vegas. Something tells me i pregamed a little too hard.
I was very proud of myself that day. I had an awesome time. I don't care if I negatively impacted others.
Well call me tomorrow, it's a great story that may lead to me being fired and/or possibly being buried in a shallow grave somewhere out in wine country.
That point of drunk where you're in a bar bathroom and you're like "F*ck you bra! I'm not taking your sh*t anymore! and you take it off and throw it in a trashcan.
I'll do a soapy photo shoot for you in the shower. No loofas, though. Once you get one of those caught in your nipple ring, you never go back.
wrestling a boy for fruit? sounds suspiciously like foreplay...
We need a shit load of segways right now
When you're really drunk, Japanese toilets just have an unnecessary amount of buttons.
Update: I just threw up in between cars in the parking lot of magic kingdom.
You threw up at the outdoor bar and it was pretty...astonishing just how much can come out of such a small human.
After I spend a passionate night with my vibrator, I have to awake and face my stuffed animals. Their beady eyes are full of shame and disappointmet. I can't deal with that level of judgement.
Dude you came into the room last night soak and wet and told me you just took a shit in the shower
I'm fucked-out. That state of being high between fucked up and passed out.
Randomize
