I chugged a bottle of robotussein and i ducking saw a blind lady on a purch sewing a shirt! And a tree portal
I only kidnapped one of them. chill
he had more hair on his balls then in my Easter basket
Lucky for you, I found your phone.....Not so lucky for you, it was in the bottom of your vomit-filled trashcan.
I just realized this is gonna be the last time that I'm high in my childhood home. I'm kinda sad. I'm really high..
I'm going to get so drunk tonight, I actually feel bad about the 30 seconds of drunken awkward sex I'm going to have with one lucky fat chick.
You were chewing up hot dogs and spitting them out
don't ever tell me how terrible your next walk of shame is until you run into your little brother on his way to class.
he was spitting whole peanuts projectile out of his mouth at the waitresses as they walked by and then yelled across the restaurant that he had "no problem kicking any of their asses"
then she kicked a hole in her own door and the next thing you know, brian's walking up to her room with power tools. in no condition to use them
FONT CPME TO THE TRUK. I REPATE SONT COME TO THE TRUCK WERE GETTON FRAEKY
It's that moment where you find out the girl you've been dating for 6 months is a mob daughter. Post breakup.
Please ask me to tell you about the time I watched two of my friends chase my drunk roommate with a broken foot around downtown
Take a shit and have a hit. It's the Sunday Funday Rule.
I love you. I would never turn you into a bear.
Randomize
