I think his glow in the dark Star Wars sheets, at the time, really turned me on.
I'm someone's dream girl. I'm hungover in this guy's bed wearing ONLY a Brian Westbrook jersey. Not the same I was on a date with last night.
There's an Captain Planet marathon because of Earth Day. I can't NOT turn this into a drinking game.
sometimes i wish i had boobs. not on me. just like in a drawer.
Selling drugs in raindeer antlers is the best way to spread christmas cheer
I was expecting a blowjob when she shoved me in the bathroom but instead she shaved my pubes into a mustache for my penis. I am still satisfied.
So ive narrowed my options down to getting food or masturbating. Don't judge me
so exactly what is concert sex etiquette? Before, during or after???
all of the above
Ok how about tonight me and you get laid together. Same girl. Then she signs our dicks.
As weird as it sounds I would totally be down
He fell on top of me at a party. I slept with him a week later. We've been fucking for 2 moths. Most successful relationship ever.
Please don't tell me that blonde guys name is Matthew I won't be able to fuck a guy with my brothers name
I may have just tried to argue quantum entanglement as the reason I was still in her bed.
he had hair everywhere except his balls
I forgot to tell you, that tinder guy literally lives 15 floors beneath me. I have been creepily saying things to him like "I see youve got a hammer on the patio"
I'm gonna have to start putting baby wipes and a change of pants in my bag. The amount of times I'm scared of shitting my pants in public is too high and I need the reassurance
Randomize
