Soo i just shotgunned a water balloon...
They have to be talking about me. I never heard that statement until I was born.
Making out with married ex girlfriends: priceless
Just ran into that chick u called from my phone and left her a MSG bout how she has aids
Ahaha, good shit
I just made a moltov cocktail out of lubricant and a christmas bulb. The fire is still going strong. MERRY CHRISTMAS
not to be a dick but do you remember the names of all your friends i made out with after we broke up?
sarah just described his penis as "like bong-girth." I'm gunna go for it.
It's Friday afternoon and I'm drunk. This is how I cope.
Stayed out til 7 am.... Did u know there's a guy who goes up and down the quad at that hour playing bagpipes?
This is God's way of telling me He loves me and wants me to be a cocktease.
Go forth my daughter and give blue balls to all who may gaze upon your tits.
My chest hair is, as we speak, arching upward to embrace my neck beard. The union will be a storied one.
I think these people may actually be nudists. You know it's bad when I feel uncomfortable.
One failed naked backward somersault off the bed and I realize - I either need to drink less or workout more. Perhaps both.
Apparently he walked into the room and started yelling at some huge hairy dude to get out of my room. Except it wasn't my room... Because he was on the fourth floor.
I made my uber driver take a pit stop between clubs so we could restock on Xanax. #priorities
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