We just made mixed drinks in the bathroom of burger king. This is sad.
i have to start hiding my credit card when i drink i woke up this morning with 4 emails from Farmville telling me i spent over $800 on coins last night
omg a stripper jus od'd on stage.
she passed on me to fuck the foreign guy. is there a manlier, slightly less gay way of saying "always the bridesmaid, never the bride"?
nope.
the facebook you made of my ass has 10 times more friends than i do.
I am 100% positive that I have seen a porno that was shot in this bar.
My overnight senior got drunk and hooked up with Kaylee on Sunday. I checked Facebook and he already put down his deposit for next year. This school should pay me a commission.
Numbies before the dentist, such a good idea.
nothing like a cross blunt to celebrate the birth of our savior
She carried my bag of puke down the aisle and the flight attendant wouldn't move the beverage cart so she put the puke bag in the flight attendant's face and said "I have a bag of sickness!" I've never seen a cart move that fast.
He's def the type to chop us into bits whilst screaming "NAPA BITCH". AKA my type
Is the Chairman of the College Republicans throwing upon your toilet right now? 'Murica!
did i just see you in the movie theater carrying a margarita into Frozen?
All the 6 year olds are jealous of my alcohol
Lord give me the strength to not check my tinder messages at my grandmother's wake.
At first it will make you think "how is this physically possible?" and then it will ruin an entire food group for you.
Randomize
