ok i said sorry. what else do you want?
100 blowjobs
Just threw up at the table during our Father's Day dinner. And I managed to get quite a bit on dad, so that was nice.
I have never pre-planed for a better sober morning than lacing my muffin batch with tylenol.
My therapist said that she thinks i may have a sex addiction. I think she may be a terrible therapist.
Want me to drive you to Dr. Drew's sex rehab?
Nah, cause then i cant masturbate to that show anymore.
I trust that you have thought of something completely illegal for us to do this weekend.
I have a broken liver
I see that the whole "let's take a break from drinking" has worked out really well for us.
I walked into your room and you had fallen asleep smoking a cigarette. You just had the butt in your mouth with ash all over your face.
It's okay. I've dumbed down my notes over the semester because I knew I wouldn't be up to understanding things come finals.
Fun thought: I realized the thing I miss most about him is dixie kong's double trouble on his super Nintendo. It's possible that I don't have a soul.
Dude the little bong I just got fits nicely in the cup holder in my car. The gods approve of my habits.
According to timehop today marks the 3rd anniversary of my 1st blackout
I just kept hitting the drum to get thru the crowd to the bar. Surprisingly it worked
Found a trail of Taco Bell hot sauce packets through the garage to our back door and cheese in my bra. I'll say it was a successful Sunday Funday.
Stop talking and go back to bed. You're in the kitchen in your underwear and slept in your car.
He hit me with his bagpipe
Isnt that against the lesbian handbook?
Randomize
