meet me in the bathroom in 10 mins.
wait what? who are you hooking up with in the bathroom?!
aww shit wrong text.
he just kept repeating that I have nice areolas
I either just got cockblocked or saved from a lengthy court case so I'm kinda conflicted about how my night went.
I'm covered in salsa and facewash. I think I'm doing something wrong over here.
Why the FUCK can i grow hair on my big toes but not on my chest?
there were staples in my comforter. what kind of sex did we even have?
In fairness it was pretty good sex, but I still wasn't expecting the mass cheering and applause he got on leaving my tent
Look I know it's late and I hope this doesn't wake you up but I feel like you should know that I'm sleeping on my couch in my own apartment so that my friend can get laid in my bed, and I would do the same for you.
We had a pillow fight. It looks like an angel exploded here. A DRUNK ALCOHOLIC ANGEL
Just made a jeopardy bj game. Every question has 10-50 seconds on it and if he's right that's how many he gets.
I like making it seem like it's at least a little bit difficult to hook up with me
Yup he definitely fell asleep. I'm trying to bone an old man
He's a loser but she says we just don't see the good stuff about him. It's like she's dating the Charlie Brown Christmas Tree.
I am witnessing a blind guy whip ass at beer pong
so all I remember is hig-fiving the cop and then sprinting away. considering I'm not in jail, I count that as a win.
Randomize
