Ok walking to car, 3 gay guys park get out of car, one on phone says 'I dont know but I was definately getting some curb rubbing'
I fell asleep next to my cousin and woke up with my hand in her pants because i though it was lisa
There is no way to make a throwing up smiley so just picture it....
its like he missed a chap in the "being a guy" handbook and read the bible instead
Just dunked an oreo in a white russian. Trying to think of a better experience in my life and failing.
How do you say "I'm not pregnant in Spanish?"
So I met my girlfriends dad last night. Or should I say I re-met that mall cop that had to tackle me.
To my ex and my favorite mistake: I totally enjoyed hearing you have erectile disfunction via baby monitor!
My night was too much. My morning is even more. Help. I need to teleport the fuck out of here.
I'm high and dancing to practical magic. Your needs for my penis can wait.
Can you send me the pic of me puking with a quesadilla on my shoulder
I ended up sleeping on a park bench. Never using Tinder again.
Hes back in his dorm room dancing naked with 3D glasses on.
and he said that acid doesnt really do anything to him...
OMG I accidentally abducted a cat. Now there is a cat in my apartment. I NEED TO UNDO WHAT I HAVE DONE
I'm praying to the gods of sex we both get laid this weekend. Amen. Love you
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