Apparently last night I sat at the bar with an upside down sharpie lightning bolt on my forehead, yelling "It's Harry Potter's birthday! Let me be on the qudditch team!" And I kept calling the bartender Dobby. There are videos.
we were taking shots of hot tequila, which is even worse than it sounds
look. either you want to have late night naked sleep overs or you don't. do not involve dinner and extraneous conversations in this relationship.
You'll be happy to know that I did indeed fracture my rib in a sex related injury
Tell me you didn't really piss in the hookah.
My month off booze swimsuit season diet plan is working well. Plus I'm learning so much about my house, did you know a girl named Meagan lives here?
Well for number 40 i would prefer to at least like the guy attached to the dick
Haha. I got you. I always pay you back somehow. Do you accept all major forms of payment: cash, taco bell, and patriotic underwear?
he congratulated me on my ability to grow long hair after pulling it to see if i had extensions
Hay for your next interview you should go in with fake blood on your cloths and tell them you just finished saving a life, then cry
Sorry i vommed in a cup next to u w out warning.. Actually im not that sorry cuz i didn't spill a drop LIKE A PRO
I woke up with a bagel in my mouth, still ate it. Free breakfast
I wish you could see all the crumbs in my bra....it looks like Hansel & Gretel got lost in my cleavage.
There was one thing about my NYC trip I forgot to tell you: I took a dump in Trump Tower
I wasn't talking about him I meant his penis! Its not a pet
Oh. Well it should be. I like petting it.
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