I envy your ability to put any word in front o the word beer and make drinking before 5 sound like a socially sanctioned event.
i told him he had the best dick i've ever seen. then supposedly i kept repeating "peter piper picked the perfect penis"
Just got kicked in the balls by a girl in tap shoes. Fuck EVERYTHING
The walk home from the bar is FAR more shameful in daylight.
he referred to his penis as the bashful dwarf from snow white
just got a call from a life insurance sellsperson and apparently our xany dealer referenced us. not cool thats breaking the 4th wall
Just spent the morning washing Bailey's and Guiness out of my clothes -_-
Our office went out together for the first time to celebrate the fact our coworker got fired.
It just so happens all of their names are Ryan, so I never have to change whose name I moan.
I'm too pretty to go to jail. Especially in Louisiana.
I didn't realize how hungover I was until I fell asleep in my math lecture, and woke up I'm my history class. How is got there still remains a mystery...
RESIST THE DICK
thats like telling me to resist drinking water. impossible.
I don't know..He walked out of your room with a kraft single..and blood on his shirt...He really wanted cheese.
You don't make any sense
TEQUILA
Vocabulary what?!? Shakespeare is my bitch.
Randomize
