Yeah. He most definitely jizzed himself in the face.
How would you go about getting a hold of the country star that you slept with and are now potentially pregnant with their baby...?
myspace Music?
The weird kid in front of me is reading an article titled "why don't i have a girlfriend?" the article then continues to talk about the mathematical equation for obtaining a girlfriend. exhibit a of why he is single
Fuck the gym. I just shaved m'cooch and my pants now fit looser.... Dont judge me.
So apparently I ran down the hall to another party and started handing out uncooked spaghetti to strangers. You'd be surprised how many drunk people will eat raw noodles.
Soo time for a life change, my 6 yr old sister made my gf a puke bucket for her birthday
I think i morst likely have 95 %patulas for hands and probably i also went to eGypt with so manyfriends. We laids in the sarcaphoguses.
You sound pretty unsure about all of this.
??I have an official piece of documentation saying you are banned from Las Vegas.
I know you all think its cute to drop me off in a different state when I black out, but I can't wake up in family campgrounds asking where I am. These parents are scared.
I need Mexican food. Like, I'd take it through a needle at this point. It's totally worth the track marks.
Well my mom knows that the welt I had on my forehead last month was the result of a sex accident. This holiday sucks
That awkward moment when you hear your boss yelling during sex while you're on her couch eating Easy Mac.
I'm at home 4 xanax deep watching She's all that.. no I don't want to go out. The couch is eating me.
I just discovered my new vice. Cotton candy vodka. Its like a carnival in my mouth, puking of the tilt-a-whirl included.
I’d clean the kitchen before making food. Mark “rang in the New Year” with some rando in there last night
Randomize