After we had sex, she played this little piggy with my toes
Woke up. Made a pizza. Burnt it. Going back to bed cuz today sucks
ejected that DVD during the department meeting.. it was our porn from last night. I have a new nick-name at work.
I'm telling everyone at work the mark on my neck is a hickey but really I was taking a shit while straightening my hair and burned myself
I hooked up with a guy dressed as Justin Timberlake, while dressed as Britney Spears. Fuck Jessica Biel, all my 90's dreams are coming true.
They are stoned and trying to learn sign language together. It's like watching a chimp waving at itself in a mirror.
Why are you there anyways?
Pickin up ball pit balls from craigslist
Well, I saw an Olympian's genitals tonight, so it can't be that bad.
At some point he mentioned fried rice and take out... I don't think we know how sexting works
if i don't get grease into my system pronto i will undoubtedly die
Ya it was crazy the power went just as she was about orgasm and the vibrator got fried with the power surge
I'm not coming to work today because tequila
I just choked eating whip cream from the can, and peed a little because I was coughing so hard. How am I still single.
He came so fast i dont think he got it all the way in. He apologized and gave me his favorite baseball card.
I guarantee you he will only fuck with old bitches from now on
Randomize
