she's in the bathroom throwing up right now...what is the hookup protocol after she is done? what all can I do with her?
i've lived in the woods for so long, as long as its post-op, i don't care.
he got promoted. that means i have now given my new boss chlaymida. i need a new job.
You think they'd ask my permission before turning Pajamarama into an orgy. I saw too many of my friends dicks at once the door got kicked down.
I thought the one perk of the low caliber of men I've slept with thus far in my college career is that I would never run into them in the library. I've been here for ten minutes and we're on number three.
He set an alarm on my phone to an infant screaming and puking to make sure i take my pill. its working.
Im the macgyver of cooling down beers. The toilet tank was blocked so I couldn't use it.....
can I share that I'd like to fuck him in my new car as a sort of car warming present to myself?
And now we should drink to that moment where you realize you didn't exactly think things through.
ever had one of those days where you say fuck it and lick the inside of a bag of chips
I hate ovaries. They're horrible little sacs of satanic enmity.
That's the most poetic description of female anatomy I've ever heard.
The cop that got shot in the dick is here, let the entertainment begin.
you bit my nipple really hard and then looked at me and said 'i feel responsible for the state of your nipples'
Your friends are scaring the cats so I'm going to smoke weed with them to call them down.
I love Texas men! TSA agent found my vibrator, nodded approvingly, and said, “You have a nice night, ma’am” with a cowboy accent. I almost made out with him on the spot
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