i don't remember her name, but i don't need it unless we decide to hook up again. but even then, i can get away with not knowing it for a while. it's not like we have actual conversations.
I just had the ultimate walk of shame. I'm barefoot, in his gym short with vomit in my hair and I walked half a mile through campus. At noon. Thanks for picking up ur phone
Just witnessed a circumcision at clinical. i suddenly feel a sense of reconciliation over every guy who's done me dirty...
just lying in bed drinking beer with a straw waiting for motivation. why?
Hey, it was your idea to keep her occupied with the barscanner on your phone.
you didnt need to give her a fucking sharpie. there are handmade barcodes everywhere. including my cock. fucker.
you told that cab driver that when the 3 of us come togehter it means happiness and love
He said he wanted to go to France " just to piss in the nice areas". I want to fuck him.
Omg I'm puking right now and then sneezed four times in a row. You don't know pain til this happens to you.
I won't trust your judgement until the word stripper doesn't make me laugh
i have my bailey's and coffee which lasts me until lunch, at which time its appropriate for me to bring a vodka and OJ mix for the afternoon. This university thing is grrreat
I also slapped not one but two bananas on the ass, twerked in public, and I think I made out with someone
I have a rash on my arm from the cat litter. Think the cat will be mad that I peed in its box?
I asked him to tell me a bedtime story, then threw up on him.
just got a call from a life insurance sellsperson and apparently our xany dealer referenced us. not cool thats breaking the 4th wall
they gave me money. the money smells like weed. also they gave me weed
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