If she didn't want me to pass out in her bathroom, then she shouldn't have such a furry rug in there
I wish i could clap on, clap off my penis
She told me I was starting to look like a mermaid with herpes and I needed to stop it.
Every time a guy reaches down to touch my vag, i feel really sorry for all the transgender girls who still have a penis there.
That's weird cause every time i feel a girls vag i feel way worse for all the guys who reached down there and got a penis.
mmmm my 21st bday fucking sucks all my best friends are pregnant...selfish assholes. they just couldnt wait til after my bday.
I just saw some girl with the liscense plate "OBVIII"...I never wanted to get in a car accident so badly.
at the end of the day, college isnt gonna be for everyone... and some of us are just going to have to learn how to breathe underwater while sucking cock.
I'm gay. Congratulations to whoever had January 2014 in their pool.
You've never really lived until you tell someone you have an STD over snap chat.
WHEN JENDA BENDA THE DRAG QUEEN TELLS YOU TO RUN, YOU RUN, BITCH!!!
Trying not to ruin Mother's Day with the enormous hickey on my neck. Nice.
He just peed in the cab. I repeat..IN.
Ah you cut my boxers off with scissors, we're way past introductions
She and I had some intense sexual tension earlier when she dumped a package of apple straws all over my body.
I’m vetoing meatball margaritas right out the gate. We can’t have people throwing up again!
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