just fell over trying to sit on the toliet like a robot.
The project manager just came into talk to me for the first time and I had justed googled best drum solo ever and couldn't X out of the screen.
Life lesson. Learning to pee left handed is easier than learning brickbreaker left handed. Rather lose a few drops than a few lives
Sitting at a bar next to a guy wearing sunglasses drinking a pitcher by himself and having an argument with himself over if journey is more ballin than kiss. Feel better about myself.
finally stumbled home. 4am. made it to the bathroom and threw up. the cat came in,s aw me, looked at the vom in disgust, and then threw up too. its nice to have such sympathetic pets.
I'm not gonna not go for it, she's foreign and pulled a shotglass out of her thong.
Nothing says happy baby shower like showing up still kinda drunk from last night with an open tall boy in one hand and fries in the other.
So it's always a good weekend when you don't get any sleep, try opening a bottle of wine on rocks, and end up needing a tetanus booster for our stupidity... Same thing next weekend?
Dude you went around coming up behind people and whispering in their ears. I dont know what you said but they looked terrified when you left.
Only you could make a stripper uncomfortable by eye fucking her too much.
Can't decide if this guy is hot or if I'm just bored.
Sex is clearly the solution either way.
I spent the entire party sexting people's significant others for them because they were too drunk to do it themselves. I did quite well too. I should start a business
Its mothers day... Can my present be an orgasm...for once?
Your amazing boobs made me fall in love with boobs. I never cared about boobs you should be proud
No but seriously. Just had a guy lean over and sniff my head like it was a freshly baked pie
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