she has no idea who harrison ford is.
see that's why i'd never date someone born in the 90s
he gave me an orgasm. multiple times. the weird stuff he did in middle school is now irrelevant.
Shes in the fridge organizing my beer collection. I love having a girlfriend with OCD
taking a shot every time they compare curling to a real sport
I have tardy slips. and absent slips if you don't show up to the bar. and trust me, if you are absent there will be a saturday school. I'm teaching you how to drink tonight.
Synchronized big wheels back flips off the second floor roof. Good idea or great idea?
ITS A JAGER BOTTLE. NOTHING CAN BE BAD IF ITS JAGER RELATED.
I vote for a trading skills night. You teach me to juggle, I'll teach you knife fighting, and we'll both learn banjo
I can't tell if the dead thing in the yard is a deer or the guy I slept with last night...
I have a bad feeling I'm going to like this fuck buddy
Oh my fucking god that cat looks just like you after you accidentally took Ketamine
Did you hear about the guy wearing a spiderman mask running around naked with a bottle of patron?
Yeah.
I was spiderman.
shit i just threw up on a freshman
i don't know if i should laugh or feel bad..
nevermind it was a sophmore, laugh.
Were we still high when we decided to break your leg?
If I slept with her my dick would come out glittery
coward.
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