Have fun fixing the bed from last night Bob Villa.
At least you didn't call me Brittany this time
he only lasted three minutes, so to spite him i stayed the night and slept in.
i would give spencer pratt a bj just so i could bite his dick off
he'd just find a way to get more famous from being a eunich.
I feel like strippers are like dogs, the more you show you're terrified the faster they come at you.
She came to the party dressed as slutty elmo and then called me oscar the grouch for not wanting to bang her in the dumpster outside.
she is way to in-touch with her childhood
He left an apology note saying he had to work and that there was coffee, OJ and food on the table with two Excedrin. I left his spare key with the door guard and she said "too bad I don't go for skinny white boys or I'd jump you both!" Best one night stand ever.
she got the mcdonald's logo tattooed on her ass. sober. yesterday at noon.
Do you still speak french? one of two girls I woke up with only speaks french...
I should have listened to my dad and mean girls... If you have sex you'll get pregnant and die.
Holy shit, did you actually CHOOSE to get hit by the alcohol truck last night?
We are the best cocktail. We look appealing, taste amazing, and ruin lives.
How many more times can I say I need to get laid before you kill me?
Just ate 2 pieces of pizza in the shower.. New low or fuckin brilliant??
If you were to to ask if I just hid 4 shooters or Jameson it my bra and panties the anwer would be yes, yes I did
I know you’re not my dad, but you’re someone’s dad. You’re also like a second dad to me as well. And one who I send nudes to as well. Happy Father’s Day
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