My parents just checked my browsing history and now think I'm addicted to porn and am a necrophiliac. 1: I know it was you. 2: You're so dumped, that shit is sick.
I wanna get FUCKED up and fail the piss test at my eval so they send me to detox and give me suboxone... Is that bad?
I just woke up with streamers wrapped around me. Glitter in my hair. My fish are swimming in empty bottles of Barcardi. Helpppp
I had a party to get rid of booze. Woke up with even more. Will do this till I can open a liquor store
I'm trying to decide if I want to bring home my 'beer champion' trophy or my chem books.
Bachelor party turned 19 hour search and rescue in the mountains. nbd
Seriously just confirmed via our bathroom scale that a keg weighs 170lbs
No worries. On my way home to get ski poles and wipe the sick off my face. Then it's time to get drunk in the park
He kept asking for nudes so I sent him a picture another guys dick. He called me ruthless.
You started sleep walking, went to my closet, tried to pee on my boots, and when I asked you what you were doing you said "I'm talking to these people about jobs"
Well I smoked some weird shit and I think I peed on my phone.
You punched me in the face while blackout. 20 min later I told you I'd been punched in the face and you yelled 'by who, imma go kill 'em!'
Stop talking and go back to bed. You're in the kitchen in your underwear and slept in your car.
I went to my AA meeting last night. My drug dealer is now my counselor.
I just saw puke on the road at the same stoplight i threw up at sunday morning! Makes me smile inside.
Randomize