I'm going to use my one free fuck up card tonight.
What'd you do?
Its more like what im about to do.
i wouldn't be half as slutty if there were better things to do.
I thought the fact that I took home a 42 year old with 3 kids would excuse my tardiness this morning because my boss is also 42 and has 3 kids. Boy was I wrong.
Dude you can't just initiate a threesome via twitter
Just checked an empty cooler on the flight to Notre Dame. You don't have to tell me you're jealous, I already know.
I don't know which is a more impressive stolen object. The couch from a sheer logistical viewpoint, or the parking meter because i'm pretty sure that's a federal offence.
It's like my ice maker knows when I wanna get drunk
i licked icing off his dick. in front of his sister.
Fuck morning classes and our weekday drinking habits.
Correction... Drunk on winter break. There are no days of the week on break.
Update: I may or may not be in a cult
Update #2: I may or may not be the leader of said cult
Day drinking! Today! (tomorrow too!) Our place! Whenever you get off work! Ready go!
I just gate-crahed a party and met a state senator, so I had an interesting afternoon jog.
sad thing: we were only a shot away from an orgy. good thing: we all got laid.
So, I think my BF has slept with several of our sorority sisters
Well, now that you know, yes he has. We didn’t say anything because you seemed so happy. He’s a great guy and none of us have any hard feelings, but yeah, we’re all very familiar with his penis and it’s talents
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