i never realize how drunk i am until i start using people as human stripper poles
I feel that the whole multiple orgasm thing is god's way of saying "sorry for the childbirth deal"
you would think someone who fights for his country could fight to last longer than 2 minutes
I'm pretty sure my penis yawned halfway through. That loose.
yeah you're probably right.. i should stop equating love with getting naked on a webcam for him.
you also choked him out with your legs on the kitchen floor..
Can you find me some 'I threw up in my hair last night' medicine?
Almost to my house to grab beer. And pants.
Decided I'm going to wear a shirt that says "I'm sorry" whenever we go back to that fraternity
Can we go one day without you telling me that your dick misses me
He kept saying I needed to go to the hospital and it just made me want to call him a pussy so I went to bed
So basically he is jobless, a potential serial killer, and has poor taste in music? We simply don't have time for that.
MY GOD WHY DIDN'T I TAKE PHOTOS OF HIS CREDIT CARDS WHILE HE WAS SLEEPING
I'm the one who said we should take things slow. I'm also the one who forced him into the back on my car so we could have sex.
You now have a new job. Call me around 1pm everyday and make sure I've eaten something. All I've had today is dick and cheesecake.
Randomize
