my periods are so regular now that they are sync-ed with my subscriptions of vogue.
Don't pass out before midnight like you did last year. See how much your year sucked
Maybe its all the xanax she takes but she literally has NO shame
No, you always delete them without reading. Enjoy the virtue of morning innocence. What are you doing today.
Some guy walked in while I was taking a piss and asked me if I knew of a back way out of the bar. He looked pretty freaked out.
Girl please we both know I eat his bullshit up like its candy sprinkled with crack
My jeans are ripped and her glitter was all over me.. My walk of shame looked like I fucked a unicorn last night
I just ate a raisin that tasted like wine. Is this real life or is this my body trying to tell me it's Friday and I should be drinking right now?
I need drugs. Hard drugs. Today. Not tomorrow. Today. Something relaxing.
Awareness is good for change and all, but ignorance is bliss. I like bliss.
being serenaded is actually kind of awkward 2/10 do not reccommend
So apparently dinosaur erotica does, in fact, exist.
I tried to help you up but you said "let me dance it off"
All I know is I woke up with my apartment door wide open, naked, and I poured an entire bottle of Advil on my bed to sleep in.
Ever been to a strip club with one stripper? I have. And she sucked.
Randomize
