Not gonna happen. She just told me she puts glitter over the mole on her nose to make it look like a piercing.
the can pyramid on my head actually reached a decent height before I moved.
all but 2 of were put on probation for disorderly conduct. i know, visiting a hospital when your drunk is really stupid but it seemed like such a good idea at the time
swear to god, "it seemed like a good idea at the time" is gonna be on your epitaph
we managed to turn Dream Phone into a drinking game. don't hate.
just tell her a well fed dog doesnt stray far from the porch, and if that doesnt work just keep fucking her sisters
We've already decided our costumes for next Halloween. She's going as Cookie Monster and I'm going as Elmo. She's just going to ask for Oatmeal Cookie shots, and I'm asking for Red-Headed Slut shots.
Dude, its January.
We're going to do the voices too.
We just threw our carpet out of our room. Via fourth floor window style.
Why did I just get a ziplock baggie labeled "2010" on it from you in the mail?
I just haven't been myself lately. I slept with a guy 21 years older than me and I've been wearing my hair in a center part.
Now I can't say for certain but I'm 90 percent are I bathed myself with dog shampoo last night
I woke up with my panties in the cat food dish, and everything covered in honey and bruises.
"Nobody needs to know that I have a vibrating butt plug and nobody needs to know that I'm probably gonna start wearing it at work"
You invited these random guys into your apartment that you met in the hallway...& then you started screaming at them to get out cause you didn't know who they were.
Dude, I'm sorry if you saw me getting head in my truck last night. My bad.
GOD DAMN IT I COULD HAVE HAD A MOTHERFUCKING 3 WAY LAST NIGHT. WHY BOOZE, WHY?!
Randomize
