Grinding on my ninth grade teacher. Dreams really do come true
Do I have a sign around my neck that says "SWM desperately seeking ultra-plus-size woman that likes everything I do"? I swear they're organized
No, but you do have a sign around your neck that says "Free cupcakes."
I know I'm all grown up when I don't have to take my pregnancy test in the store bathroom anymore.
His best friend walked in while we were banging, turned on the light, yelled BURN, grabbed his computer to play the Thunderstruck drinking game, turned off the light and left.
guess who's bored in chemistry researching how to sneak weed through airport security in her vagina?
It's my coworker's last day party and I'm the one who ended up shitfaced on the train with half a bottle of belvedere in my bag.
The worst part about getting "creative" and by that i mean baked is that i just wanna get laid right now and all im doing is eating nachos
I feel like our relationship should have moved on from you constantly asking if I'm gay
If there was a tv show called "True Life: My 58 Year Old Dad Rolls Better J's Than Me" I'd be on it.
We have your weave and dirt in our room.
I just got caught impersonating a t-Rex by my boss. Sadly he wasn't fazed by my behavior and acted like it was normal.
You kept pointing at me and saying I'm getting chicken parmesan and no one is going to stop me
the cuervo was good, but I started with jello shots. and when i threw up a whole jello shot came out.
You really need to stop getting injured so often it's really starting to negatively impact my sex life. Oh and get well soon. . . no seriously though hurry the fuck up.
Ps can u get with my cousin? He's a freshman at uconn and he's very attractive but like were related....
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