just tell him he has love handles, he'll die of insecurity
i just figured out how to balance my wine bottle on my boobs so that i don't have to tip it with my hands...breathing has new meaning
I knew the only reason I bought a smartphone was to play "You're Havin My Baby" on the way to cvs to buy Plan B.
Im trying to find an appropriate gift to your mom for getting both you and your sister on birth control within a week, any suggestions?
I did the walk of shame wearing his scrubs. Fucking med school students is the way to go.
We will. we just need a little inspiration.... in smoke form.
Dedication to a hook up: I had to recruit five people at the train station to help me buy a ticket from a kiosk and get on the right train in 15 minutes because I discovered that my car was stolen.
Both our collective sex appeal dies once someone cums on a snuggie kayla
I found out Naomi Campbell and I have the same birthday and I feel like that explains so much
guys with girlfriends don't have a leg to stand on when they get mad at you for fucking other guys
The profile of her ass is just unreal. Weird way to use profile I know, but never more accurate
I'm sorry about all of the innappropriate shoe throwing
sam was dropping a deuce next to me. wrote me a note that said "glad we shared this experience." passed it under the wrong stall. the other guy picked it up. that's all I know so far.
tell him if he brings over dinner you might let him see your left boob...or right, whichever you prefer. But under no circumstances do you let him see both...unless he brings a good desert...like coffee ice cream or something
Who fucking spams baby shark at a sports bar
Randomize
