He just spent five minutes trying to sling shot a cheese-it off his dick and into my mouth.
billy ray cyrus is narrating a show on the history channel. my iq cant decide whether to go up or down.
take it from a girl who woke up with a girl in her bed... you were not that drunk.
in the morning i found her name, number and address on one of the empty pizza boxes. also said "ps. if you find my shoes please mail to me."
They peed on our pledges last night... i dont know if i should put an lol at the end of that or not
No she hasen't showed up to my place yet, last I heard she was puking as she was walking without stopping near the park.
Just used my boobs as a ramp to guide ramen into my mouth.
true friends will drive 3 hours to come smoke a couple blunts with you on the bridge where your car broke down
There is a drunk marine passed out on my porch. Mandy wouldn't sleep with him, Can you please come remove him?
Yea. It was an issue. Great time though. Apparently I went through the coat check, put my coat on and forgot I had it so I tried to go through again and just didn't understand why thy weren't helping me. Dave coat checked his pants.
I asked him why the bed was wet and got.."well there are two options... and its not you."
Nope. Too much basics going on right now. I'm tying you both up and throwing you to the vibrating sexy toy sharks. You shall either sink or get off gloriously.
Try eating a sub blackout with your uncle. It's not easy ok
I volunteer to be the person who breaks into the room and runs around naked and has to be escorted out by police.
as a self proclaimed hoe im ok with a lotta things but that is not fucking one of them
Randomize
