just tell him he has love handles, he'll die of insecurity
Now I have to picture Dave Letterman having sex with all these women. Im the real victim.
I can only be a whore so many days outta the week.
Samesies
nothing like celebrating the fact that you're not a father by trying to impregnate other women
every time i recognize a doctor or patient at the hospital on this rotation, i just pray it's not from my blackout saturday makeout slut moments...professionalism shouldn't count on weekends
Get everyone into the kitchen. I need you all to witness me friend-zoning him. Just in case.
Are you asking me on a date where we get shithoused and do some fingerpainting?
I've actually, minus lsat night have actually changed my drinking habits
For the record, it's NEVER ok to discuss my stripper-related injuries with my fiance.
this is the first time i'm angry at someone with so much boobs. she like managed to break my glass and my phone with one glorious swing
doing the walk of shame back to your house in nothing but a bed sheet was definitely not one of my proudest moments..
Hey, I'm 22. I'm allowed to have a sex life and you're going to hear about it.
I feel like I might be the only person I know who eats bundles of radishes in-between orgasms from their vibrator.
Turns out I tore my ACL when I fell off the mechanical bull.. Happy bday to me
Just got my LSAT score...if you need me I'll be drunk in a ditch somewhere.
Randomize
