I am so horny I keep driving over the rumble strips... best half hour ever.
Your mom is more observant then Randy Newman.
i knew it was time to break up with him once he pulled out the Halo foreplay costumes
On the bright side I got 500 American Express points paying for the abortion
Hypothetically, how much legal trouble do you think i will be in for stealing someone's dog?
I'm handcuffed to your bathroom sink. Save me.
I just saw a commercial for God of War and heard the nickname he gave my vagina.
Gas station champagne. And before you say anything I'll have you know it's imported. From California. So get fucked.
It's a fucking menopause festival down here at the strike zone
I just want my birth control to stop making me feel like I'm watching baby seals get clubbed to death any time anything even remotely unpleasant happens lol
We were apparently using marine hand signals to communicate to one another where to meet up in the house to hook up.
Didn't even know I knew marine hand signals.
literally 50% of my time being 20 has involved my genitals thus far
I swear every time I see him he's either dancing or trying to touch people
He just felt my tits to find out which piercing I lost.
For future reference: bathtub full of cheeseburgers = win.
Randomize
