Yeah I'm pretty much like lane on gilmore girls except my mom doesn't look so mean all the time.
You told me you were pretty sure you were god because you knew everything about everyone.
i forgot i changed ur name in my phone to "the situation" so when u texted me i got really excited for a hot second
i thought we decided on me being "the altercation" instead
I had my own version of the Hangover last night. I woke up to a disassembled Christmas tree, shit on the futon, and a hamster in the bathroom with a necklace on that said "Feed Me Bitch." I don't own a hamster. I don't know what I drank last night, but I want to do it again.
My roommate made me go home after I mooed at fat girls at the gas station.
I just found out I lost my virginity the same day my parents did, 25 years later. This is my life.
I woke up on the toilet with my feet gorilla glued to the floor, cake and makeup on my face and my hand glued to my head.
Welcome to the world of vodka. Rule #1: NEVER PASS OUT. Happy 21st
He broke hus nose arm jousting with the traffic cones... We need to make head shots illegal or get helmets or something
I was trying to be quiet until started to feel like my cock was being dipped in a rainbow and then I stopped caring temporarily
How high are you?
I feel like breakfast can just fly into my mouth
Turning 21 will be slightly bittersweet. Never again will I be able to get underage drunk at Disney World, now I'll only be able to get legal drunk and that just sets a whole different and sad tone for my life.
Does buying my brother condoms for Christmas say "keep having sex with her, I like her" or "dear god, do not get this girl pregnant"?
You're a FUCKING ASSHOLE. Love mom
Optimism doesn't exist before 2pm nor do any other emotions.
We've been together for 10 months. These next 2 may be a deal breaker. He has not met the summertime version of me that is so hungover today that I cancelled a meeting with my boss right after she sent me an appreciation note saying I have great work ethic. I have her fooled.
Randomize
