He can hate all he wants but were fucking with these crocs on
Yeah. He most definitely jizzed himself in the face.
i would rather give Shaq a handjob than take this accounting final
I'm one shot of soco 100 away from fucking a mailbox
my mom just informed me that im way nicer when im high and offered to supply my weed until our house guests leave.
does that include her cleaning your bowl?
There are regrets in my world today- mostly jager at that fucking altitude
When we found you, you were using the bottle of Captain as a pillow...with a note on your forehead that said don't wake up the champion.
Hurry up. Some creepy guy with a "God is vengeful" flyer is asking where I wanna go most today. I think he's going to chop me into pieces.
We all have to be good at something. Mine are writing, drinking, fucking and peer pressure.
At this point I think you're just judging my taste in men
Where the fuck are you? I just got punched in the nose by a tourist
By the way I can not feel my vagina. It's like it's asleep. What the hell did you do?
You ran up a $300 bar bill on his card and he didn't have you arrested, be grateful and move on.
The gate guard just said to me, "I almost didn't recognize you in uniform. Welcome back." I think I need to lay off the booze.
I don't wanna be 33 that's when Jesus died
Randomize
