The is a pregnant woman in this Chipolte wearing a shirt that simply says ‘OOPS!’ across the tummy.
That baby is bound to be under-loved.
his roommates stood outside the locked door reading bible verses to us the whole time...
If there was a god I would have a big mac right now, but i don't
I only have two playlists on my iPod. One for when im getting drunk, one for when I'm getting high. Is this something to be worried about?
If you're still awake, how rude would it be if I masturbated in her new apartment on moving day? If you're asleep, then ask me how it was.
i think i swapped my keys for drugs last night
She told me she gets scared easily and that I had to protect her. Then I made a condom joke that ended up making her cry... All bad dude
And if I don't get arrested for drinking and canoeing over the next 3 days, this hurricane will not have turned out anywhere near as well as I planned
Do you think I could convince a doctor that my uterus is poisoning me? It wouldn't technically be a lie. It does more harm than good.
Nothing says happy gameday like waking up in only an ACC Championship shirt in the qb's bed with a different football player
Ick. That's not even the fun kind of punishment.
This can only be settled by a dance off.
the universe is starting to freak me out.. ive now had sex with 3 people who were born on the same day..
I'm licking blood from my knuckles and I still haven't found my car keys..are you in town tonight?
He jerked off some dude with a slice of Wonder Bread.
The sports guy?
Yeah. They claimed the bread made it hetero
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