He never called back after I emailed him my booty call contract.
This is a mass text. Does anyone know where I am?
Those former-lesbian gone white-trash bars always seem to be your favorite.
I may also break bread with strippers. Because it is passover.
Even tho I saw his penis. He is still a really nice guy.
I don't know what he did but now I'm terrified of mustache rides and it's only movember 3rd
just spent the last 4 hours covering his room in sticky notes. Viva Drunk Thursdays.
So neither of us had a dollar bill and we couldnt find a straw so we spent all nite doing coke through penne pasta
He was wearing an Affliction shirt, a Monster hat, and he asked me for anal within 5 minutes of meeting me. Like 3 strikes and you're out, bro.
Oh and Dustin informs me I'm a legend amongst the freshman, if you were wondering about my street cred
Don't be the guy that has his dick out at work.
I'm trying to arrange "Flawless" to come on as soon as I get up to leave the room after my thesis defense. Bow down bitches indeed.
If I die on my walk home, please come claim the body. There is $30 in my left shoe for you....for pizza
Well now you know... If you can get over the awkward... The dick is 10 min away.
So she was amazing, that's what. Idk if it was the blow or the blowjob, but both my heads are still tingling.
Randomize
