also referred to as T.P.S. (Toddler Penis Syndrome)
I'll be waiting for you under the stairs with peanut butter and tequila ... Don't tell the neighbors
Stripper fight on main stage. It just happened. And it was glorious.
You'll be the guy with the raft that sells burritos on the river. You'd be legendary.
my dad's beating me at drinking again. No matter what i do I can't win.
Question: Would it be wrong to just fuck both of them and decide who to date one performance of their cocks?
some guy just walked by in the street and for 5 seconds yelled "IMM SOOOO HORNYYYYYY!!!!"
he kept telling me that god made these magical balloons called condoms
Also, am I the only one who noticed he didn't fuck you until after you were technically a cripple? Or am I reading into this too much? Congrats on that btw
No, not normal drunk. Wake up on a trampoline with a naked chick you've never seen before drunk. I think i missed my first trampoline sex...
Dude imagine how many pictures of dicks Obama gets. That can't be unusual. Almost every kids in the US has written the president a letter.
dude you literally had like 30 screwdrivers, i thought you were gonna die
that explains why my vomit smells like it came from florida
i cant believe we used adam and eve as a sexting theme last night
No other awkward car ride can beat the one you give your drug dealer home.
Dead. I am actually dead. Also, worst nightmare confirmed: throwing up in a four hundred person lecture.
Randomize
