You just made me feel so damn special
I just passed one of the bars and saw my mom kissing another woman. This can't be good....right?
Knowing your life, probably not.
I think a homeless person took a bath in my mouth while I was sleeping :(
Her vagina smelled like hockey gear.
he ate 15 dinner rolls and nothing else. then took a shit in the bathroom came out and blamed it on his dad. i wish i was 8.
This kid is drunk.
I hope by "this kid" you mean yourself and not some child you have kidnapped and gotten wasted.
Just jerked off to Cameron Diaz in "My Sister's Keeper". New low.
i was congratulating myself on not falling down the stairs when i walked into the wall. it's like one step forward, two steps into the fucking wall
You know it's time to cut back when your unemployed drug dealer roommate tells you that you party too hard.
I haven't gotten it in awhile but since spring break is next week I'm willing to have a pregnancy scare if it means no bleeding through the suit
Yeah wouldn't want it to interfere with beach sex. Nothing should interfere with beach sex
My professor laid down on the floor and told us a story that involved being naked covered in Vaseline with a pumpkin on your head. No lie. This is going to be a great semester.
The international association of gay square dance clubs had a booth set up in the lobby of my hotel.
Saw a dude last night at a strip club's bar eating canned pineapple and giving tootsie pops to the girls...
Just paid for my STD meds using a giftcard I got for Christmas. Thanks mom.
Leaving Denver airport I just saw a group of young Republicans in matching green T-shirts that said "4/20 Baby!"
Randomize
