You and your empty threats of no sex. Like.u.cud.hold.out.
He's a collector of sorts
Any cool stuff?
You should see the collection of booggers in the carpet next to his desk
you just started pointing at the light and whispering "star wars"
She definitely pulled a diaper out of her purse and cleaned up the vodka with it, where do you meet these people?!
I'm so covered in bruises. God dammit drunk me. We are a lady.
i ended up eating cold sauceless spaghetti out of the container in the fridge with my hands.
You told me you had two boobs that want to be naked for me. I'm just following up on your request.
So...guess who had sex tied to the ladder of a caboose under the stars in Joshua Tree? This bitch
A dry HJ only, please. I don't deserve the comforts of lube after my horrendous fantasy football performance
I'm drunk from drinking bourbon out of a "cupcake sippy cup" at the Denny's bar. What the fuck happened to the goals I had?
just bought myself a "your about to get violated in every way so you deserve this chipotle" steak bowl.
Was I drunk or did Alex not show up with 100 rainbow Jell-O shots?
He met a girl at a stop light and managed to give her his number while driving down the highway.
You probably shouldn't do that...but if you do take pictures
my Mom is now my Eskimo sister... she fucked my ex in my bed and took a selfie
Randomize
