i wonder why nobody wants to date me...im doing a crossword at work and asked out loud: whats a 4 letter word for 'a reason to get married?'
i was like PREG?
The cab driver just finished telling me how leaving community college after one month was the best desicion he ever made.
the date was going great.. until he pulled down his pants and asked if there was any hair in between his cheeks.
He cut you off when you said Paula Dean was in your soul...He kicked you out when "Paula" started eating random peoples food
triple team girl just facebook chatted me. do i tell her i had a nice time?
He made me meet him in the baby department of walmart where he was waiting with his pregnant girlfriend. Time for a new dealer
Hey..um, you dont know me, but I just found your purse in a bush at the end of my street this morning
You have not lived until you have drunkenly grinded on your mother. Daughter of the year right here.
We're living together and you don't know if I've seen Titanic?!
steve's beating me 4-2 in our "sexually confusing straight people" competition. steve is a wizard. this is not a drill.
mom how many of the songs from my childhood are mexican drinking songs?
all of them.
You should never be more than a quarter of a mile from a working toilet
Preach!
Before consuming her Waffle House she did a few deep breaths and cleared the table to "prepare herself for this"
I was the oldest, shortest, and soberest at the New Years party last night. My life sucks
I'm giving drunk me full control of my body for the next few days. Please don't let me die.
Randomize
