Jon just got arrested by the quesadilla police
What?!?
What I actually meant, is I had a quesadilla, and Jon got arrested by the real police
i guess its not very common for a paramedic to have to revive someone who was struck by a falling shampoo bottle while getting off from the bathtub faucet.
he ate out my asshole, i really don't think he gets embarrassed easily.
i dont care if i had to wear a dress to fuck her, she was super hot and i stand by my decision
So far we've hooked up on a pool table, on a public bathroom counter and now in a little league baseball dugout. We haven't even made to a house yet.
I'm not sure which one did it but one of them fucked the kink out of my neck
walking back to the dorm.. she is flashing evryone, demanding beads. we tried to stop her and now she just keeps yelling "Bourbon st bitchesss"... you get her tomorrow
there is nothing worst than getting kicked in the face by a stripper
she got the mcdonald's logo tattooed on her ass. sober. yesterday at noon.
Please, by all means, tell me what can't be helped by two stiff drinks & a blowjob?
I bruised my dick hopping over that fence last night
Your birthday is now over. Your day in the spotlight has dimmed and now you're as special as everyone else. The world goes back to revolving around me. Good night.
Taco Bell is giving high school kids free tacos STEAL YOUR BROTHER'S WALLET I'LL BRING THE WEED.
You were petting a 40 year old man's moustache for 15 minutes
Just showed my drunk fiancé where I got circumcised, she's been crying for twenty minutes.
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