So then the officer asked you how you were getting home and you told him "very carefully"
Miss Michigan hasn't even been Miss USA for 24hrs and already stripper pole pics are surfacing. Classy.
And why did 3 people fail to stop me from literally getting a piggy back ride from the bar to his apartment?!
why didn't you tell me his penis tasted like oreos?
Went to anytime fitness at 3:34 am drunk after the the bar and getting whataburger. Lifted weights with my cheeseburger between my knees. That's called DEDICATION.
he is like the poster child for std's. god i hope he meets a girl with teeth in her vag. that would serve him right
almost got into it with the cashier. bitch dont look at me like that just cuz im only buying wine and icing. ill fight.
Just saw a midget on an elliptical. Epic.
I should have made a run for it. Seriously who calls the cops on themselves and goes to jail. ...on a Monday.
I just gave her a sobriety test in the middle of the baking aisle.
And the results, officer?
She's fucked.
Thats alot of pressure.
Just on your vagina. BTW I'm passing your house.
It was all good till you had ppl chasin shots of ciroc with fucking applesauce
Do not tell guys at bars about kittens you rescue. They will walk away.
I'VE LOST MY DIGNITY, MY PRIDE, AND EVEN MY BOOTY CALL. HAPPY THANKSGIVING.
He woke me up holding a gallon of apple juice and a shot glass...
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