i get turned down more than a collar. where are the desperate bitches i need to crawl to them
Hes far too high and trying to explain daylight savings time to me. Help?
I think the secretary can hear it when I fart in the bathroom, how do you think she feels about that?
It's like, I'm the official vagina for that DJ group
there is a dude in the bar with no arms getting fed beers by his friends
Came to from my blackout with native american warrior facepaint on I'm too old for this shit
The facepaint not the blacking out
Do you think that we can get a group discount on liver transplants? We'll be like kids again!
Maybe STDs were invented to keep stupid people from having kids.
I took a few sips of my hugeee bottle of liquid Vicodin and smoked my one hitter and now I'm going thru my attic like Indiana Jones
Being invited to eat tater tots at 1:30am by a rly hot girl then actually only eating tater tots is a major let down. Tasty, but still a let down
You need a twittervention. You're better than this.
Well am going to a strip club before sun down, I dont think anything good can come from that.
I slipped on a piece of pizza last night and when the bouncer helped me up I told him the garbage can pushed me.
new dating motto: let your guard down, not your panties
You'll be happy to know that the bruise is gone from my cock
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