farters have to be the big spoon...
She really thought E.D. was a sexually position.
but he used his one phone call to call mom and wish her happy mothers day, that's gotta count for somethin
did you know that snuggie is the perfect anti-freak out aid for stoners? it weighs you down so you can't go anywhere. just sit there and enjoy the movie, that's right.
we need to start a braincell conservation fund for you, sort of like save the whales or something.
basically theres shrimp everywhere. splattered on the walls, in the carpet, its bad. ohh theyre never gonna get the smell out.
My neighbor is on the his front porch in a robe dipping a popsicle into what appears to be vodka. I want to be his son.
They want me to get them some X for there wedding present. I'm on the way to get it now
He took the bartender's challenge and took a Jello shot with a tarantula frozen inside.
Next time we smoke don't let me talk. I just said something and it sounded like I was speaking in hashtag.
You showed up at 4 a.m with two middle-aged men, a 200 dollar bottle of wine, three bottles of beer, no shoes on, and a half eaten red velvet cake.You are never drinking absinthe again.
Yea... The gym isn't gunna happen today... When I was drunk last night I tried to prove I could front flip off the wheel cover of a semi... I fucked up my shoulder pretty bad... It was more of a roll
Blocking me on Facebook doesn't change the fact that you've had my penis in my mouth. So there's that.
His wedding band got caught on my nipple ring and that's how I realized he was married
I'm sitting naked on my bathroom floor and it remind me of us.
That's my way of saying I miss you
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