remember that time that crown gas station wouldn't sell us a lighter so we had to use matches and birthday candles to smoke with a toilet paper roll? sometimes i miss high school
She said she couldnt do it today but shed make it up to me next week
stick it in her butt and if she asks, say that thats what you thought she meant
you announced to the whole room that instead of shaving you were planning to start straightening and then braiding your pubes. awkward silence followed by everyone leaving.
They're having chugging contests. With juice. Please get me out of Utah.
He just sent me a winky face in the middle of setting up a drug deal. You don't do that.
He snuck out of bed at 9 am and came back with pizza and a bottle of wine. I think I'm in love!
This is how I ended up being the slutty friend isn't it?
got delayed, meet you at the bar soon, found a shopping cart, i am now getting pushed to the bar by some guy that was peeing in the alley i found the cart in
If you wondered to yourself today, "did Sarah break her bathing suit strap and flash a pool full of children," the answer is yes.
Just because I don't want to be her booty call doesn't mean I wanna stop getting tit pics. I'm a sucker for double D's
it's just weird to think of you as a teacher since ive seen you throw up raspberry bacardi in my parents house
you walked around drinking beer out of a plunger and telling people it was a goblet...
I'm ready to get married, then we can lie around watching anime and eating pizza while he rubs baby oil on me
So I'll be starting a scrapbook from all the mugshots of the guys I've slept with
That ass isn’t going to eat itself.
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