think what you will about my sexuality, just get the cigarettes
Ambien does the same to me. One time that I took it, I got this huge bowl of spaghetti out of the fridge and thought it was a castle and that the meatballs were little slaves. I ate all of them first and then the noodles were the soldiers and the sauce was the water in the moat. And when I finished, I fell up the stairs and threw it all up.
ur penis kinda felt like a vagina to me
Dude its 315 and I'm sitting here eating slices of cheese. Don't talk to me about tomorrow.
You were hugging the toilet and shouting "don't let fatty eat me" through the closed door.
Got a personal ride from safe ride. I was crying so hard. The driver said think of something happy and I said Disney. In which I sang him Aladdin. So I got home ok
they esentially rejected my mermaid threesome offer:(
I walked into the kitchen and twelve of them were just staring at the oven. Freshmen are the weirdest drunks ever.
I'm going to get like 25 drinks at their wedding and just leave them sitting around or give them to hobos.
Fell asleep in the library, woke up because I almost let out a sleep fart. That was close.
It's pretty telling that my resolutions all involve who I will sleep with in 2014.
It's important to play to your strengths.
Just had a reminder come up that just said "Ham"
Are you aware that you called your mom to say hi before you dragged the random guy into bed last night?
Oh you mean the girl that gave me a black eye when I told her I liked her fake eyelashes?
Apparent my drunk ass was so dedicated to taking a piss, when I walked across the dance floor to get to the bathroom a 9/10 broad tried to dance with me and I just pushed her aside, like hard enough to send her a few feet from where she was standing, pointed at her and said "Not now chief, gotta rock a mean one."
Randomize