he got up in front of the whole lecture hall and yelled that Charlie Brown's Christmas tree was his favorite book in the history of the universe. then he stumbled out the fire exit setting the alarm off. I could've jumped him right then and there.
I'm in my boyfriends bathroom and I shit so bad, there was no toilet paper but his mom's clothes were on the floor and I wiped my butt on her underwear... now it looks like she sharted
woke up naked, gf gone. There is a cup of change in the fridge, a bird in the bathroom, and odie is drawn on my ceiling. I live in a non sequitur
i lost my phone in the process of getting a condom out of my hair
Every time I hit my bowl my neighbors set off fireworks... I stop, they stop. I start again, they start again. Too high for this.
We thought we had lost her until we found her in the bushes a block away singing "Jingle Bells".
there was a fucking fire juggler. but it was ok bc i was in the kiddie pool and it was the safe zone
Chugged a beer while being walked to the bathroom by campus police to pour the beers out.
He left npr on the whole time when we were doing it. ironic that i lost it on the 100th anniversary of the titanic. thanks michelle norris.
He wanted to bang in the work van while we were on shift together. He convinced me with "It's like the Scooby Doo van but looks nothing like the Scooby Doo van."
I just sent you a multitude of sexual pictures...and you responded with a Charles Dickens Quote.
i mean hes a break dancing puerto rican, how do you think the sex was?
People trash cargo shorts, but I'm like, sorry I had room for beers and you didn't.
You kept yelling stranger danger at Nick because he was talking to that girl you didn't like. Your not invited ever again.
Banged a guy with 2 broken arms once. Top that
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