bathroom sex at kohls isnt as trashy as it seems
He kissed a someone with a penis
i woke up to find out i shared my bed with a full, open can of natty light last night and didnt spill it. then i drank it for breakfast.
He threw me a bud light and when I opened it he smacked it out of my hand because "Dave giveth, and Dave taketh away". WTF
If you listen closely you can hear the sound of inbreeding and shame.
I just need like a magic vacuum to suck everything out of me and then an IV to put good stuff back in
Like he and the nurses kept being so persistent with it and I just wanted to run out of there in my backless gown and yell FUCK OFF BITCHES IM OUT
Or maybe I'll just keep introducing myself like, hello, they call me iane because I need the D. Applications are submitted online, women need not apply.
I never thought my Saturday night would end up with someone crawling around my carpet for 3 hours trying to pick up spilled coke...
I never thought my Saturday night would end up with ME crawling around your carpet for 3 hours trying to save my investment.
Just puked in a cup. Poured it out the window.
Help me help you realize you are a moron
She shaved her vagina in my bed. Good night
I'll be an awkward "I've had the grooms penis in my mouth" presence and we can party our nipples off.
And with the bitter taste of failure in my mouth, i am off to pub to drown it in tequila and 19 year olds, so in the morning i can add pregnancy and stds to my list of problems.
RESIST THE DICK
thats like telling me to resist drinking water. impossible.
Randomize