Soo i just shotgunned a water balloon...
He was so drunk that he tried to backflip off a baby chair.. How do you think that ended?
Random girl at this party just gave me a lap dance in a la-Z-boy. Night significantly improved.
She said, "I don't really go out much, but my husband recently cheated on me" and I don't remember anything after that.
Puked in the hotel lobby and just kept walking. I love mardi GRAS.
They knew I had a party because the refrigerator settings were different, but they don't notice that we installed a new toilet seat so it's okay.
Do you have any pictures of me mounting animals that aren't on Facebook?
But seriously who drew a dick on a tortilla and nailed it to the door?
For whatever reason, whenever she's drunk off Crown, all she wants to do is jerk me off with her feet.
At least you didn't wake up next to your professor who then proceeded to cancel class via phone while still inside of me.
I mean...he danced with his dick still inside of me. What more could a girl ask for?
Why did I wake up naked with a leg cramp and and extra $550 in my wallet?
Panties = found
Point in my hangover when I'm honestly not sure if I'm about to puke, or shit my pants.
Left him blackout in the cab, gave 20$ to the cabbie and said drive until the meter said he wasn't getting a tip.
Bangkok has him now.
Randomize
