I was so high i believed someone when they told me le moyne beat syracuse
We could make it a date. Dinner and a show. The show being my nipples getting pierced.
You were trying to swim on the floor while eating a hot-dog bun and laughing about how much you hate bread and didn't understand why you were eating it..
Why is there a chicken nugget nailed to my front door?
gymnastic barn sex. fuck i wish i hadn't blacked out
most desperate stoner moment might have been when we filled the bong up with pond water
desperate times, desperate measures
She's trying to sext her husband for the first time. I'm feeding her lines. It is 3 am and I am playing Cyrano for my wasted big sister TELL ME I AM NOT THE BEST SISTER IN LAW ON THE PLANET.
I asked him if he wanted a pillow, and he replied "No. Batman never had pillows."
After getting all 4 of my wisdom teeth removed I asked my dentist how much better would I be at head
You know I've done a lot of messed up stuff. But I never thought I would have to put a bandaid on my dick. Yet here we are.
I just want somebody who'll randomly bring me pizza and lovingly squeeze my butt. Is there a dating app for that, do you think?
I find him attractive in the absolute weirdest way. Like I need him to do my taxes, but I also feel like I should spill things on him to gain his attention and then lick it off to gain his affection.
If you send me another picture of a donut on your penis while I'm at work, I may have to slap you With the donut.
Went upstairs to make PopTarts, found the door open. Shut it. Saw a grey thing. Opened the door, found a girl sleeping outside. What the fuck happened last nigh
Don’t get me wrong—I love silver and bracelets—but handcuffs are not a good look on me…
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