There was an extended period of my adolescent life where my friends and I would get high, drive around in my minivan listening exclusively to the wu tang clan, and intentionally crash into snowbanks
wakey wakey hands off snakey
Have you ever secretly resented a girl for wanting to have sex when all you really wanted to do was rub one out and go to sleep?
Ever since he's come out, my facebook stalking experience has gotten uncomfortable
Listen, what he fails to understand is that the Olive Garden does not equal pussy.
Is it possible to make a milkshake in a martini shaker or am I gonna need a blender?
I wore my front clasp bra so he would have to prove his sobriety to me before we had sex.
It's like if a cloud had tits and you laid on them.
Everyone was trying to get you to do a keg stand but you refused & instead declared you could do it yourself, crouched on the keg in your 6 inch heels, leaned over, and gave yourself one.
Ooo, yeah! Thanksgiving will be a blast. Can't fuckin wait for the next round of "have you found a nice young man yet?" Followed by a lovely helping of "don't worry, there's someone out there for you."
You don't know how skeptical I was about letting a guy with braces go down on me
he told me that he only likes small dogs. I should have known he was going to end up being little bitch.
How bad is it that I can say that this isn't the first time a married man, who is in the military, has tried to make me his mistress?
I'm pretty sure she tried to draw a self portrait out of her vomit. Then you tried to help, but passed out in the vomit.
There's just something classy about smoking a blunt in a prom dress.
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