omg! a creepy truck driver just made a frog puppet wave at me!!!
She smells like mac and cheese, right after you add the cheese. It's strangely erotic.
Life lesson #57: drinking whisky out of apples leads to threesomes.
I wish alcohol would automatically work as birth control if you have sex drunk.
i am already firmly committed to doing irish carbombs w/ 12 different people, and the st pattys day party doesnt start for another 24 hours. i may die
Is it appropriate to get drunk, stand up at the wedding and make a toast to "the time the lovely bride asked me to come on her chest"?
our generation is not ready to get married
Im in search of the perfect penis, it would be unethical for me not to test run them.
I was naked with an australian flag taped to my boobs. Damn internationals think they can claim everything.
Sorry I didn't take you making out with him all night as a hint you wanted nothing to do with him...
They ran out of toilet paper, so I had a girl rip down the streamers so I could wipe.
I'm pretty sure the girl in the stall next to me is waiting on me to leave so she can poop but I'm doing the same thing so it's like a Mexican standoff
I had jack at 8 am= instant drunk
I'm eating taquitos in the bathtub at 5:30 am. What a great end to the night
I may have just got motorboated by a male stripper who told me I should be a porn star and not a vet student.
He ate me out on a washing machine in the 24 hour laundromat. Whoever watches that security camera footage is getting a show!
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