I cant go down on him yet. All ive had to eat is olives and percocet. semen would only add to tomorow mornings discomfort.
fyi, we didn't break up, we just downgraded to occasional sex without ever talking about it.
She begged me for sex again. I felt like I was telling a homeless person I didn't have any change.
im eating kix cereal and taking shots by myself. please come hang out with me. im desperate
He has pizza coupons and a hammer next to his toilet.
It was dark, she woke me up, gave me a blowjob and then whispered in my ear: do you know who I am?
i fell out of the car and didnt spill my drink. come overrrr
truly a win in your book
I don't think stranger penis made your tonsils bleed
found one of my socks in the dishwsaher... xanax
Listen, I booty called my boss last night from the company phone. I may need to brush up my resume.
That's right. I just LL Cool J'ed you up in this bitch. Zero fucks.
Dont be alarmed when you come homeand see a guy handcuffed to your bed. His name is james. Ill uncuff him when I get home
Last night you broke a mirror, and then rolled around in the glass shards. Miraculously, there's not a scratch on you...
we went outside for a smoke and when we came back in you were ptfo on the floor holding the phone to your ear. Pizza pizza was on the line.
its not much but to go through all that to ask for half a balls worth of money was so stressful
Randomize
