Wow so rude I was trying to have an orgy later but whatever
I think having sex with you would be a great treat for us
you guys got to bein so kosher and go with the flow
my love horoscope just told me to "say it in frosting" should i take this literally?? i think yes.
she thought don quixote was a type of tequila.
I use him for alcohol and he uses me for sex. This is the closest thing to love i could imagine
He told me he breastfed 'til he was six. That explains the obsession with me getting fake tits. Is it a red flag?
I figure that my generation of my family needs an alcoholic. I'll take that burden.
She started telling me about this odd patch of smooth skin under her boobs. Not sure if she was hitting on me or looking for free advise from a doctor...
I mean, I still played with her tits for like 20min tho.
Filthy. I need to be power hosed with holy water.
Only you could successfully troll for dick at a Hillel bake sale.
I'm drinking with a guy who apparently blew my dog sitter.
My drug dealer is giving me a 15% veterans discount on my weed for nov 11th
That's the best thing I've heard all week.
Compositionally, that's actually a really nice picture.
And your penis looks really nice too.
I hope you know, that by sending me a cat meme back, you've entered in a cat picture battle; which never has an end in sight.
The duel has begun.
I left you a really long drunk voicemail and I remember something about a bat
I may have passed out and puked all over the host's favorite couch, but three hours and a rip later, I was eating tiramisu in the bathtub with the birthday boy and a hot Italian.
Randomize