hahaha our party bus just died on the freeway and we're drinking in the center divider. i'm on the roof. i win
the only evidence i have from this weekend existing is a title page for a novel i tried writing called "the oyster who gave up drinking"
No I'm not coming over. That Bob Ross drinking game is too intense.
You realize at the bar last night we blew on imaginary whistles like rose from titanic right?
My coke dealer 411'd my work number just to see how I was doing and gave me his new number. He must miss my business
Its 11am, im in the city in a pocahontas outfit, lost a heel and found a gold rolex in my lingerie.
Remember how I haven't seen my step sister in like 7 years? Pretty sure I just made out with her...
Totally sleeping on a bloodstained mattress tonight. I love life's little adventures.
Quick question, when did I develop feelings, and how can I make them go away?
That's two questions.
You dont lie about slip and slides
When she asked why I felt bad I said that it may have had something to do with the gin and cold pizza I had for breakfast.... And then I reflected on what my life has become.
she texted me 'with freud,' which i thought was drunk for 'i'm with my friend.' but nope, she was actually on a statue of the psychologist sigmund freud.
If the smell of things stopped me from putting things in my mouth. I wouldn't be popular with Grindr guys.
I haven't felt more like a college student than when I woke up this morning naked with my sociology textbook in front of me and my bong in my left hand.
I've been on the cocaine and semen diet for the last 24 hours, lunch sounds great.
Randomize
