he was fingering me to the beat of a lady gaga song. new high? new low? i don know, but i came, so whatever.
So we tried to 69 with him on top. NEVER TRY IT. His balls were in my eyes and it was terrifying.
she was using bread to soak up the vodka off the floor then proceeded to eat it.
my bartender licked my nipple. never stay after hours
In the middle of having sex with me, she reminded me that I was supposed to call my mom that morning. My penis has never retracted so quickly.
Her exstacy made her nickname everyone David. Nobody knows who the fuck she's talking to so we just say no to everything she says. She's crying.
I know it was you because you're the only person I know who gets drunk and craves soup.
Soup is delicious
How do you not remember seeing the kid from our chem lab table and repeatedly yelling "lab partners for life!" at him?
Guy in the room next to us in the ER is chanting "I'm jeff and I'm drunk". He's trying to get released to finish tailgating for the Iowa game that starts in 9 hours.
the night ended with taco bell and tears
So is there some kind of punch card you and I get to use every time we fuck a chick with a cast?
IF IT WALKS LIKE A MANWHORE AND QUACKS LIKE A MANWHORE, HE PROBABLY HAS VD.
It's whatever. I just want to see his dick again
Congratulations, you have turned my vagina into a garden hose.
Oh my god, are you sexting me while watching the Democratic debate.
100%
Now I'll never know if it was me that got you worked up, or Bernie Sanders' social policies.
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