i just had a dream that i could control how black Will Smith was with a remote.i need to stop sleeping with the TV on
Dude sorry i couldnt seem to spell any words right in the texts i sent you last night
I felt like a fucking code breaker.
words cant express how excited I am to make January 1st our own personal version of The Hangover
You going to have to be more specific than the night we blew an 8ball off the toilet..
haha she has always seemed a little off. when i met her i was told she was the queen slut. and she had a crown on at the time. it seemed appropriate.
Hardly remember what he looks like and the man has seen me passed out spread eagle. I begin this journey with such a disadvantage.
I just found a hunk of ham in my back jeans pocket from god knows when. We gotta stop going so ham.
I am his drunk Jesus. I will love him from afar because he's my little lamb
Just walked into your room to get my clothes and he's still passed out in your bed. Remind me to high five you when you get home
he offered me cocaine within 5 minutes of my arrival. yes of course i'm keeping him
You keep making the old jokes & I'm gonna come down with a sudden case of low-estrogen related vaginal dryness..
Shut up. You had me at killer robots. Your place or mine?
Hey. You got pizza and sex. How much more can you ask for?
I just don't understand what you plan on accomplishing there except for losing all vestiges of post-freshman year dignity
I just made myself 3 peanut butter sammies because I was too hungry to watch porn
Randomize
