I woke up this morning naked, with a to-go box from Qdoba, an entire meal completely untouched. I have been piecing together my night to find some answers. I feel like Nancy Drew.
This is a mass text. Does anyone know what the hell the asian woman at the end of Napoleon Dynamite is doing in the movie
Fuck 8am classes
Dear Jesus I'm gonna throw up through my eyes
Your roommate was biting my friend last night. It was weird.
a price tag just fell out of my vag. i guess its worth $13.99...
Well, let me tell you, it was the most vivid sex dream I've ever had. More so than the Paris Hilton one I had in 05. And about as weird.
Can u check his last FB check in, then come pick me up from there. Blame it on the tequila
By the way, I got bored last night and just started putting my balls on every object in your room. One at a time.
thank god we only have to drink eggnog and rum once a year. It taste like shit.
Batchelotette party success. I woke up on the floor in nothing but a thong, a garter and a shirt that says Just Do Me.
Something about the fact that I could do coke off her ass cheeks just speaks to me
Little girl was fucking around on the train and completely ran her head into a pole. Totally burst out laughing as she cried. Her mom was not amused. I don't think I should be a Mom. EVER.
I took out a life ins. policy Thursday. It's okay I can die in Nashville now.
He showed up in a Prius. I didn’t even wanna.... So I left.
PSA. Do not shart while wearing a jock strap at work. That is all.
Randomize
