she's not even a shacker, she never made it inside. she's just a porch girl
if you were to get worldwide popularity from playing guitar with a plastic yellow bat while drunk on YouTube, would you hate me?
my brother came home with a bottle of vodka and his pants off. were gonna spend more quality time together.
If you can't accept "I'm sorry I was mean to you" bjs from 19 year old girls, then who can you
i just like, need to vent to someone
Can we skip the part where I pretend to care and fast forward to the appreciative blowjob from you?
the back of my hand read, "say no to drugs." my palm read, "say yes to shots." when the fuck did I write that?
I was short on money so I let my roommate mase me for $60
We legit stopped the the game so that Jamie and I could throw up in the bushes, and then continue to play intramurals... this is what my life is coming to1
I do believe that seeing camel toe in leopard print pants at Walmart is the closest I will ever come to going on a safari
Oh and apparently something happened that was related to "THIS IS SPARTA" but no one will tell me what I did.
So I'm going to blame my boobs hurting on that.
I shouldn't be drunk at 3 pm but alas, here we are...
If catching your vomit in my hands while swimming in a bath tub full of it doesn't make us best friends, I don't know what will
but dude how did I get so drunk?
Pretty sure it happened right after you poured a shot of Wild Turkey into your Budweiser, chugged it, and screamed "I. NEVER. BACK. DOWN!"
You should have just fucked me in the bathroom when you had a chance!
i'm not sure what you are doing right now, but i know that i don't like it. whatever you are doing. just stop. come here so we can fuck
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