wakey wakey hands off snakey
i'm watching the fashion show on bravo
you're cheating on project runway?
if you can't score coke, you buy crack.
can you explain why there is a dead rabbit in my front seat?
idk, I had a turtle in mine.
The girl in the white might have stds. I'm strangely okay with this.
ONE NIGHT STAND. You have 27 minutes before the offer expires, so I suggest you hurry.
Today might be the day that I legitimately throw up in my saxophone.
I'm this close to masturbating to his profile pics from 2006
like the only thing i remember is bringing a piece of toast to the bar...
he's measuring my pool to see how much jello powder he needs. He got paid today.
You left for an hour, then walked up to us at the bar, pulled 80 dollars out of your bra and yelled " drinks are on him".
We see some guy emerge from the forest on the island this morning, alone, in only a snuggie. Morning shots and bagels on us for the number one walk of shame.
Hooked up with a guy resembling a bearded Cher. I need the lenses on my beer goggles fixed. Pronto.
Whether ya want it or not, it's gonna happen. Assimilate to the gay
I just remembered touching your bosses wife's fake tits last night. Thanks again for taking me to your work function.
Ice cream and condoms, solid grocery store trip
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