The funny thing about my wife cheating on me is that the guy probably has genital warts now. Sweet.
it feels like my vag is blowing bubbles
doing washington apple shots with my mom. sunday afternoons suddenly got so much better.
I've never seen anyone write a check for a bar tab before
I JUST WANT TO WATCH PORN BUT THE CAT IS JUST SITTING HERE LICKING HIS BALLS. I CAN'T DO IT.
He would only do it doggy style. The "he's probably gay" debate rages on...
Spent the entire ride home from downtown trying to convince designated dawgs to drop us off at waffle house instead of our apartment. i told them it was my house...they didn't buy it.
I made $80 at the club last night by telling him he was like a wild pony and I just wanted to tame him
I'm two shots in and wandering around Barnes and Noble with $58 in singles.
I have aggressive nipples.
that was the most beautifully crafted sentence ive ever read that involved the phrase "genitals or whatever"
How is it that 364 days a year I'm the adult, but on Halloween you completely forget how to have fun and become my grandma?
You told me you didn't want to go to the hospital because you were drunk, but because you didn't want to leave the "fun".
How is there a hawk inside this house? More importantly how the hell is he handling it without any gear?
What's your fascination with fucking to the Lion King Soundtrack?
Randomize
