oh well we may not be friends on facebook but at least i got laid
I just heard a girl say "We can't go that way, it is a one way street." She was on foot...Nothing worse than girl from the midwest that move to NY to "live out their dream" -the dream of living in a rat and roach infested 200sqft for $2k a month, and get fucked by some recent Ithaca college frat grad...
That girl would be great looking if she lost 1000 pounds and cut off her head.
i'm watching a show about a girl who died from masterbating with a carrot. A FUCKING CARROT, EMILY! YOU NEED TO BE CAREFUL!
I was totally willing to let her keep giving me blowjobs as long as she didn't think we were in a relationship.
I just signed a document stating that I would dd all summer if they would go pickup food.
you decided to have a spaghetti fight but then you got greedy and decided to eat it all.
When he came he sounded like a flock of birds hitting puberty
yeah, its right past the deli mart where i showed my right tit for mozzarella sticks.
I just had to download an app to edit pictures on my new phone. The things I do for sexting...
I cannot for the life of me remember why I am holding this rabbit.
composition of my stomach right now: 60% C8H10N4O2 * H2O (coffee), 20% CaCO3 (pepto bismol/tums), 10% HCl (stomach acid), 5% fried rice, 5% residual adderall. i can do that by percent mass too. fuck you finals.
Hey, I'm making progress. I haven't thrown up in a bar while wearing a sweater vest in almost two months.
I was just thrown into the pool and now I'm surrounded by men... You would think this is the dream but I'm just confused
Just accidentally walked into a parade for Jesus
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