totally just realized while washing my face that Cetaphil looks like semen.
I just woke up with the words DO IT on my hand and six beers in my purse.
I just wanted to yell " i am not a shake weight!!"
There are topless girls riding the lawn flamingos. I win.
In case any of you were wondering, kyle is alive. He also intends to do the same thing tommorow night and the night after.Goodnight everyone
at what point last night did i decided to have a photo shoot with your camel toe
All inclusive resorts are actually just places that livers go to die.
that bad?
u-n-l-i-m-i-t-e-d. f-r-e-e. t-e-q-u-i-l-a.
Yea there's blood all over the porch but we wont have to buy alcohol for the rest of the week
What's the sex policy on a school bus? Because I dibs back seat.
Sex allowed. Dress code is neon and obnoxious.
We are gonna die. I wanna enforce the "no jumping out of moving vehicles" policy. And how are we gonna get a school bus through mcdonalds drive thru?
you said, 'he held out his hand, that means we don't have to pay' about the taxi driver, and then asked the doorman what happened to your pants...
His mom said he was in the ER and asked for prayers and positive thoughts. Apparently, me wishing the clap on him is not what she had in mind.
My vagina has made plenty life decisions and I would like to point out very few if not any of them were in my favor.
He was fingering me and I came so hard that I actually broke his wrist. We're at the ER now.
I’m going to give his broken heart CPR with my vagina
Okay so as of now, we may either be coming for one night, two nights, or not at all this weekend. It depends on Laura's toe and if I get my period. Will explain later
Randomize
