When I meet a new girl, I'm terrified of mentioning something she hasn't already told me but that I have learned from some light internet stalking.
Sorry for talking about super scientific shit so much last night, I know it bugs you sometimes when I don't shut up.
What? You sat on the couch for a solid 2 hours staring at your fingerprints and the only word that came out of your mouth was "how"
In the middle of switching positions, we shared a line of coke. It's was like a modern-day 'Lady and the Tramp.'
Harry Potter. Singing. Sobering up. In that order.
She just invited me to drunkenly make out on the kitchen floor again.....
If he's dead I'm so gonna get the blame. I have his passport, keys and his tooth in my purse.
Definitely Got caught hugging a strangers tree last night with 5 others.
Breathalizer & tazer party did not go as casually as expected.
So who was trying to make it rain last night in the bathroom? There are pieces of dollar bill everywhere
I had a face to face conversation with her vagina, asking it not to make me look bad.
He just said his penis sings like Mariah Carey...Im going with drunken.
The bros used their bong water as pong water but I walked in mid game and didn't know so they hit our first cup and I chugged it.
I'm definitely drunk. At the gyno. On my birthday. Life is a joooooooke
she brought her phone charger to the bar this bitch is ready to drink
All I remember is your girlfriend laying on the bathroom floor and me crawling in and asking if it was okay to puke.
Randomize
