i swear to god her finding her clit was like looking for a sock in a dryer full of beach towels
:O -> O: ... that's emoticon for "he threw up in my mouth while we were making out"
I just realized I used lady gaga lyrics in my research paper on marie antoinette
It's offcial there's a Bobby Light radio station on pandora.
You spilled spaghetti on the floor, and kept telling the noodles to "settle down" as you tried to clean it up
The last party at your house was a sex toy party...it's an obvious transition to baby shower
Oh man I'm using the bubble wrap that wraped my new vibrator to wrap my dads fathers day gift
sorry to break it to you, but he's definitely fucking that other girl now...
I wish I still at least had the bruises on my ass to remember him by.
Perhaps if I didn't mortify my parents last night with my drunken obnoxious behavior which resulted in the casualty of an entire decorative bathroom shelf which I completely ripped off the wall and left for dead, I would be more than willing to go day drinking.
What the hell do I have to give up to manifest a dick
I offered him midol and told him "it always helps my period so maybe it'll help yours"
New rule: if someone asks if you would like to snort a xanax the answer is no.
Just paid for birth control in all ones do you think she is judging me?
i got kicked out of the casino for drunken disorderly conduct because i kept stumbling into old people and one of them told on me. as the boucer was taking down my information so i could no re-enter i ripped my id out of his hands while yelling fuck you.
So were driving two hours to go to a club and Charles packed me a sippy cup full of tequila. He thinks of everything!
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