so when she was in the shower, I took a pic of my dick with her phone and sent it to her brother saying, this just fucked your sister
he left me a 6 minute video of him peeling a clementine listening to justin bieber
You know you have a great job when you need a DD home from work at 6pm.
Just sold this kid "Magic Furry Apples". He is way to high to figure out they are just peaches.
At least he's a nutritious stoner...
I don't know who he was, where he came from, or where he went, but he just handed me a bowl of mac and cheese and left. It was good too.
we are playing family charades. my sister pointed at me. everyone guessed alcoholic.
My mom and I are having a "yay I don't have herpes" shopping trip day
I think rendering her infertile would be a valid community service project
I'm to the point that I've had the revelation that its physically impossible for my arms to be attached to my torso.
Hahaha my philosophy professor just opened class with "I had a shitty weekend and I was at the bar until 815 this morning. So bear with me".
I need drugs. Hard drugs. Today. Not tomorrow. Today. Something relaxing.
Who's the easier target... Bandages on the knees, tramp stamp, or bra showing? Not in the mood to work for it tonight.
All I remember about last st pattys day was I was in a bathtub with full bubbles, fully clothed, drinking out of a flamingo lawn ornament that someone cut a hole in.
I guess the weekly d&d orgies are treating you well
Nothing says "Jesus has forgiven your sins" like finding out you're not pregnant on Easter.
Randomize
