im typing and i feel like my hands are on backwards.
Stop texting me, I'm right here.
highlight from tonight: i hit on her and her mother.
I think, one-on-one, Paul Rudd could be very threatening in like a REALLY good way.
hes totally cute, too bad i slept with his father
How did your new apartment party go last night?
I'm really happy i have a bigger bathroom to puke in.
did you know that if you have sex in the elevator on the way up that people can still get in?
He made off the wall shots in beer pong, stuck the girls dog in a cooler, and played with swords with her mom. I wish I got his name
I went to the haunted house just to see her - Hello new fetish!
Me and the guy at the liquor store are on a first name basis, college is all about networking.
Note to self: do not ride giant beanbag chair down stairs.
The band last night was really good
That was definitely karaoke. Guess that answers my follow up question on how drunk you were.
I used my iced coffee to ice the bump on my head from last night
I fell asleep while eating jimmy johns last night and then woke up at 5am and continued to eat it
Would you paint my ceiling for oral sex?
What can I say, like your penis. The fact that I like the person attached to it helps too
Randomize