UPDATE: In a passionate fit of self love, I brought myself to orgasm under the moon on my 7th floor balcony, ejaculating between the rungs towards the ground.
Unfortunately, I did not realize that most of it would end up on the balcony below mine.
At least you don't cum in color.
Hawaiian shirts and no dignity
We are always on the same wavelength...kinda eerie.
NEWS FLASH: A bottle of wine can fit into a taco bell cup.
woke up on my stairs with half a hot dog beside me and the last text I sent was "i make hot dog in toasTer" .
She was doing lines off of her friends boobs in the limo at 9 oclock on a thursday This has the potential to be the best weekend ever
The bridesmaid just threw up on herself. This is going to be the best wedding ever
She was wearing my robin hood hat from Halloween shouting "steal from the rich and give to the poor, mothafuckaaaaas." We are taking her everywhere.
I can feel my teeth in 4 dimensions. I shouldnt be this high at 8 in the morning.
Btw, if I didn't have 3 limbs in restraints and my free hand offing myself with the pocket rocket, I would have snap chatted you. Next time.
also my alarm just went off. I am always amused at what time drunk me decides to wake up.
I was 100% done.. I used my vibrator while eating cold pizza. Shit was magical.
THE CEO RESPONDED TO THE MEMO WITH HIS "UNICORN" EMAIL ADDRESS AND NOW HE'S APOLOGIZING TO EVERYONE FOR USING HIS PERSONAL EMAIL AT WORK.
I don't think I used nearly enough fucks in my reply to convey the level of fuck him.
I just woke up butt-naked in bed with a guy I've never seen..I reached into my bag next to the bed to get my phone and found a bag of shrooms, a handle of vodka, and 600 dollars that I've never seen. what do I do
enjoy it.
But we have bathrooms and they dont
Randomize