he shaved USA in his pubs
Apparently he doesn't remember leaving the bar
If I spent $100 at the bar and didn't get laid I wouldn't want to remember anything either
You just kept screaming at everyone 'not to break your scarf' and doing somersaults
She is larger then a hippo. You could cut her open in the middle of a blizzard and crawl in like Luke skywalker. Throw a couch and a tv in there and you're set
BRING ME THE PLAN B. ILL GIVE YOU A FREE WATER BOTTLE AND A BUMPER STICKER AND SOME BACON BITS
Drunk naked twister. My place. Heath is trying to use his dick as a third leg.
We always end up having sex in random places after class. I need to stop letting this dude borrow my pens.
I like her. She smells like old lady but tastes like whiskey
Do you think the firemen will remember me?
Yes. But you were sloppy, sobbing, and puked on two of them. You won't get in their pants.
If you were more comfortable around gay men, then you too could get wasted at the gay dance club and go home with hot girls.
You know we have no secrets, right? I mean, you saw me shitting in a gift bag drunk and naked on Christmas eve.
The bump on my forehead, i think, was from falling asleep at front door, on my knees, slumped over. But we played good music so what?
he kept insisting he didn't have my number, so i called his phone and my number came up as "yeaaaaaaaaah!"
Got upgraded to First Class and now I’ve got the whole Pacific Ocean to seduce the very hot gentleman sitting next to me!!! Door closing, wish me luck!
I was trying to get nudes from last night and ended up getting a family portrait!
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