DAMN! I hate it when i drunkenly erase all my "sent message" and wake up in the morning and my inbox is full of "WTF?" and "Huh?" messages.
she just put all the cheese in the refrig to sleep.. and yes we did finish you bottle.
I'm destined to be knocked up by a sailor
i felt horrible..i wanted to somehow give him his vcard back
that's a non refundable transaction sweetheart
At first I was confused when I woke up with shards of glass and pickle brine in my pants. But then I remembered I hung out with you last night.
That was a $3000 rug we rolled him down the hill in.
Strip beer pong in the front yard? Of course the cops showed up
My Grandma made me promise not to drink more beer, so I'm chugging wine.
He wanted me naked, so I got naked. You can't hold that against me.
Do you ever feel like your dog agrees with you? Like REALLY really agrees.
I woke up in his bed wearing nothing but a penn state hat. We are....
I was telling everyone at the frat that they had to try the "fantastic refreshment" that was everclear, vodka and country time
Well, I got drunk and told my family about what I expected sexually after a good first date.
Why exactly is there a butt plug on the counter?
I was like ahh were on two different pages, I know there's rumors of me moving to boston but I can't and I'm not adding long distance to the relationship I have with my 31 year old recently divorced ex boss
Randomize
