Hurry up. We're trading phones to prevent drunk texting.
hahaha my homeschooled cousin put up graduation pictures. it's just her standing in front of her fire place. With a hand made diploma.
my mom just found my flavored lube in the basement. she gave me a lecture about how "giving head is degrading" omg i feel sooooo bad for my dad
Couldn't see or hear that well because she hit me on the back of the head with a bat. That is my excuse. Also the gin.
I banged her roommate when she was gone. She came back with a chicken sandwich and a bj. Then she said " smells like my roommates vagina" I think I can get a threesome tonight
Just paid my credit card bill at the bar. This phone makes it so I never have to leave
Just drove past the dude that came in your sock
The thing is that despite the high paying career and the increased responsibility, my life hasn't changed that much. Only instead of blacking out on $2 wells at some dive I blackout on top shelf martinis in a suit. Oh and only on Fri & Sat nights. Being 30 doesn't suck as bad as everyone led me to believe.
i'm sad to say... seems like women around here set up their armageddon booty calls ahead of time. wanna fill all these condoms with tequila and head downtown???
it is my last wish that my tale be published posthumously as a warning to anyone thinking of eating burger king at nine am
I never thought people would keep their guns next to their fake plastic penises, but there they were.
How the hell could he be confused. He had a naked girl running to him. I feel like he would enjoy that.
It is not a successful senior year unless you show up to campus without pants at least once, right?
In the words of my step grandma "whatever makes your pussy happy"
It is like...the most transformative hard on I have ever had.
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